So, it’s finally here. After an absolutely banana sandwich of an NCAA Tourney that included perhaps the greatest upset in tournament history w/Michigan State falling in the opening round to 15th seeded Middle Tennesee led by the starting shooting guard on the First Team All-Name Team Giddy Potts.

We saw a team in Syracuse who was basically poopy pants all season and finished TENTH in the ACC get the luck of the draw and not only sneak into the field but, didn’t play a seed lower than 7 until the Elite Eight. That being said, they beat who was in front of them and if they can play like they did in that ridiculous comeback against UVA then perhaps they can give UNC a run for their dicks.

As a former Saint Joseph’s basketball player, my hatred for Villanova is pretty strong. However, I do like Jay Wright and I think this team is (clearly) much different than those higher seeded teams we’ve seen get bounced early in the past. The Wildcats have a matchup with the best player in the country, Buddy Hield, and Oklahoma in what should be a fantastic game. Hield is straight up unguardable as we’ve seen him go for 30+ in his last two games. It’ll be interesting to see what Nova can throw at him to try and contain him a bit but, one might suggest focusing in on Cousins and Woodard and kind of letting Buddy get his. We shall see. Nova is led by 11th year senior Ryan Arcgiahgandoanano who is still putting up good numbers despite being 41 years old.

Pick- Buddy Hield’s dick is too big: Oklahoma by 6

In the other matchup we have a North Carolina team that is playing the best basketball in the country at, obviously, the right time to be doing so. 14 time pre-season ACC player of the year Marcus Paige has finally come out from under his rock and is playing like we’ve all been waiting for him to play for the last 9 years he’s been at UNC.

Analysis: Syracuse sucks. UNC is really good.

Pick: UNC by 12

 

So, things could currently be going better for our boy Kyrie Irving. The ruthlessness of Twitter knows no bounds, especially when it comes to celebrity gossip. Apparently, Kyrie has been dating some R&B singer Kehlani for awhile now. Back on Valentine’s Day she posted this on Instagram:

The picture on the left was posted on Valentine’s Day expressing her love for Kyrie. Fast forward to today and this dude PARTYNEXTDOOR who is one of Drake’s OvO boys posted the other picture of her in bed with him. Savage move by that guy. There’s just no coming back from a guy named PARTYNEXTDOOR putting his penis in your girlfriend. As someone who tends to speak only in capital letters, I can confirm that this dude is most likely awesome at sex. Research proves that. Thoughts and prayers for Kyrie.

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/golf-devil-ball-golf/103-year-old-man-records-his-eighth-ace–becomes-oldest-with-hole-in-one-012551146-golf.html

They say golf is a game you can play for a lifetime. So long as you’re upright and swinging, that means you have a chance to make an ace, just like 103-year-old Gus Andreone did in Florida on Wednesday.

Andreone, the oldest member of the PGA of America, made the hole-in-one at Palm Aire Country Club in Sarasota, Fla. He used a driver from the green tees on the 113-yard 14th hole at the Lakes Course. 

“I hit it solid and the ball then hit the ground about 30 yards from the green and kept rolling, rolling and rolling,” Andreone said, according to PGA.com. “It fell into the hole, which was cut on the right middle part of the green. Miracles do happen once in a while.” 

Anderone, who now has eight lifetime aces, may well be the oldest man to have ever recorded a hole-in-one. The apparent prior record holder was Elsie McLean, who made a hole-in-one at 102 years old in 2007.  Anderone’s first ace came 75 years ago in 1939. His last one before Wednesday was sometime in the 1990s, on the same course’s 17th hole.

Fucking golf man. Such a crazy sport. Imagine being 103 and doing anything besides pooping your pants and drooling? I can’t. That is the only thing life entails in my mind after you hit the old century mark. Yet here we have Gus Andreone, just doing the damn thing and hitting aces on a golf course. Something a lot of golfers go a lifetime without ever achieving, and this guy is just swinging his wrinkly dick around the golf course driving a 113 yard hole-in-one like it ain’t no thang. And it was the 8th of his life, the first of which came back in 1939. Just think about that for a second. He literally had his first hole-in-one during the Great Depression. Who in the fuck played golf during the Great Depression anyways? This guy has immediately shot up my list of most interesting people on the planet. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he can even swing a golf club without dislocating both shoulders and having his backbone just disintegrate into dust, let alone get a fucking hole-in-one. I think it’s time to start drinking because that’s the only way this story will ever make sense to me. On that note, I’m outta here. Love y’all.

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/gold-medalist-michael-phelps-pleads-guilty-dui-165649633–spt.html

BALTIMORE (AP) — Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps avoided jail time on Friday when a judge placed him on probation for pleading guilty to a drunken driving charge for the second time in 10 years. The punishment came with a warning.

“You don’t need a lecture from the court,” Baltimore District Judge Nathan Braverman told Phelps. “If you haven’t gotten the message by now, or forget the message, the only option is jail.”

Probation allows the most decorated Olympian ever to focus on training for the 2016 Games in Rio De Janeiro, which would be his fifth. The 29-year-old came out of a year’s retirement with his sights set on Rio, and the plea is not expected to have any ill effect on those plans.

The swimmer was contrite in court, with his attorney detailing his pursuit of sobriety since his arrest, including 45 days of inpatient treatment in Arizona. A letter from his doctor there was glowing, saying he was forthright and cooperative.

I know this story came out back in September, but again, I wasn’t writing during that time, so here we are. And he just pled guilty to this today in order to avoid jail time, so its a relevant story again. And now this is something that I find myself wondering. And when I say I find myself wondering, I mean the media is definitely going to try to make me wonder. Is Michael Phelps a bad boy? 2 DUI’s under his belt. Smokes weed on the reg. Just doesn’t seem to give a fuck about anything except having a good time. Well let me answer that question for you. No, no he is not a bad boy. Look at his face. He’s got that Andrew Luck kind of face that you look at and just think to yourself “what a dork”, despite what tremendous athletes the both of them are. Guys that are dorks can not be bad boys. That’s like the fourth commandment. The media will for sure try to make it seem like he is though, because we live in absolute pussy land country now. He got his first DUI when he was 19. That basically doesn’t even count. Everyone drives drunk when they’re a teenager. Its kind of like a right of passage. If you didn’t ever do that then you are probably a loser. Smoking weed? Please. That’s already legal in multiple states and give it a few years and it will be legal everywhere. Smoke crack or meth or something if you’re trying to impress me. Now as far as the second DUI goes, probably not the best look. You’re 29 Michael. Clean it up guy. But does that make him a badass? Not by any stretch of the imagination. That makes him a dumbass. Like hey bro, didn’t you win like 58 Olympic Gold Medals in one day? I might have to check my math on that but I think that was it. Anyways, I’m pretty sure that makes you rich, so it’s called get a fucking driver. Shit, I’ll drive you around. Give me a solid $75,000 a year and full access to you’re pussy posse and I am good to go. Where the fuck do I sign. I’ll keep you out of this dumb controversy so you don’t have to talk to the media sounding like an absolute retard about how you look forward to a brighter future. All these rich athletes who get in trouble for DUI’s and this and that will forever remain a mystery to me. YOU GUYS ARE SO FUCKING RICH. You blow the same amount of money on pointless bullshit in about a week that it would take to just hire a driver for a year. Then you literally can go out and drink as much as you want, blow coke off of strippers titties, sip some sizzurp with Lil Weezy, do whatever the fuck you want, and not worry about getting behind a wheel and either getting pulled over or killing someone, or yourself, in the process. It’s the definition of a no brainer. End of rant.

Joell hops on Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me” and drops some ill bars. This is the first track I’ve heard off of his “Yaowa Nation” remix tape that will come out next Wednesday just in time for Christmas. If it’s like any of his previous remix tapes, then we’re in for a treat. Enjoy bitches.

Here’s the thing. I, for one, have never been a big fan of Rondo. I respect the shit out of his ability to distribute the ball, play defense, and rebound from the guard position, something that I have always been a big fan of because that’s how I played ball and rebounding is literally the easiest thing to do in basketball but for whatever reason no one decides to do it. It’s literally just watching the ball, positioning yourself based on where the ball is hitting the rim, then trying. That’s it. Sometimes it takes a weird bounce, but 7 times out of 10 you can tell where a ball is going once it leaves the shooters hand. Anyways, back to Rondo. Here’s my thing with him. He’s a dick head, which makes him a bad teammate. And he can’t do the second easiest thing in basketball. Shoot free throws. For a point guard, he is historically bad. This year he is shooting 33%. That’s one out of every three for all of you that are mathematically incompetent. That’s really bad for a big man, let a lone a point guard. In the 2010 NBA Finals, when the Lakers beat the Celtics in 7 games, he made 5 of his 19 free throws, for an even worse 26%. So for those two reasons, I will never be a fan of Rondo, despite the other parts of his game that I like. Now, that being said, this was an absolute no brainer trade for the Mavs. They made a HUGE upgrade at the point guard position. They now have arguably the best starting 5 in basketball. I would put Rondo, Ellis, Parsons, Dirk, and Chandler up against any other starting 5 in the league. The only thing is they took a pretty big hit to their bench in giving up Wright and Crowder. Wright definitely had a bigger impact than Crowder has had this year, as he has been one of the most efficient players in the league coming off the bench. Crowder is a high energy guy though that can guard multiple positions. Now the first 3 off the bench for the Mavs is Devin Harris, who is legit, then Al-Farouq Aminu and Charlie Villanueva. Villanueva is more a of a stretch 4 then a power 4, so they really don’t have a solid backup big man to come out if Chandler gets in foul trouble, or worse, injured. Greg Smith is just not going to cut it, that’s for sure. But, although the bench is vital to a team postseason success, I still love the trade for the Mavs. Rondo has 2 top 20 scorers to distribute the ball to in Dirk and Ellis, a hell of a third option in Chandler Parsons, and will be good for around 4 or 5 alley oops to Tyson Chandler in a game. I think this trade immediately puts the Mavs on the short list of title contenders. We’ll see how it plays out.

I know I’ve been putting a lot of Kendrick songs up lately, but that is something that I will never apologize for. He is the absolute man. Let me say this. I’ve personally seen Kendrick perform in person. I was at the Hudson Project this past July in Saugerties, NY, better known as the “Mudson Project” to those who went and stayed the whole weekend. Luckily, I got out of there early Sunday morning to be home to work the longest double shift of my entire life and missed out on the absolute bullshit that ensued do to the copious amounts of rain, but that a story for another time. Back to Kendrick. Although he only performed for about 45 minutes, and I was fucked up on all types of different shit, I came to the realization that this dude is hands down the best live rap performer I have ever seen. And if you go look at his songs he did on SNL when he was the musical guest, and you watch this video, you’ll have to agree. Live performance of rap and hip hop are not an easy thing to do. There’s so much that comes in to play. Being able to keep up with the rapid fire lyrics without missing a beat. Having a good enough band to replicate the sounds that are usually computer generated on a track. Having a stage presence. Kendrick makes all of this look easy. Of course his good buddy Terrance Martin on the saxophone, who has been an Artist of the Week here before, does a hell of a job to help him out, as well as the rest of his band. But this is clearly Kendrick’s, and the way that he commands attention on a stage is eye-opening. Pretty cool that he chose the Colbert Report to debut this new song too, because I, for one, love Stephen Colbert. And it’s even cooler that Kendrick will be the last musical guest to ever appear on the show. All around awesome video. You’re welcome.