Archive for the ‘Would You Rather’ Category

Figured it was about time to play one of my favorite games of all time, Would You Rather. Honestly the possibilities are endless with this game. It’s a real thinking man’s game too, which is one of the reasons I love it. On to today’s question.

 

What a fucking doozy. Well, let’s start with option A, being sexually attracted to fruit. Now, on one hand, this probably wouldn’t be so bad. I think that guy from Good Luck Chuck used to heat up cantaloupe in the microwave then cut a hole in it and fuck it. That doesn’t seem like it would be so bad. I could live with that I think, but it would have to be in the comfort of my own home. That’s where this whole thing gets iffy. This attraction would get very awkward in public. Picture walking down the street and there’s a fruit stand. And you can’t help yourself from grabbing a handful of grapes and rubbing them all over your body. Or making out with strawberries. Or fucking mangoes. Or getting sucked off by starfruit. That shit would probably just be too much for people to handle, not to mention weird as fuck, and not the good kind of weird. Definitely not a good look at all, and word would undoubtedly spread that you have a weird fruit fetish, which would either lead to some kinky ass sex with some chick who’s equally as fucked as you are, or, more likely, a very lonely life. So that brings us to option B, having Cheetos dust stuck on your fingers forever. All I can say about that is fuck that shit. I absolutely love Cheetos. Great snack food. All the “itos” family is pretty dope, Fritos, Doritos, Cheetos, etc. But the downfall of Cheetos is getting that fucking dust stuck on your fingers. Probably the most infuriating thing in the world. Easily top 5. In fact, I only eat Cheetos by crunching them up in the bag and then just dumping the bag down my throat, solely to avoid getting that shit all over my fingers. It takes about 45 minutes of intense, pornstar-esque sucking to get that orange tint off of your fingers. If that stuff was stuck on my fingers forever I would fucking kill someone. That would make blogging quite the task too, unless I wanted Cheetos cum all over my fucking keyboard. Ain’t nobody got time for that. So, I think I’m going to have to go with being sexually attracted to fruit, and just do my best to avoid fruit stands, or seeing fruit anywhere in public for that matter. And if I slip up with that, then I’ll take my chances with finding that special someone out there who will take a banana up the ass.

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What an absolute classic Would You Rather we have on our hands today folks. We’re about to get real philosophical up in this bitch. Let’s get right into this. Option A: change genders every time you sneeze. The only pro I can think of in regards to this is that you get to be a chick for a little bit. Ipso facto, you can lay in bed all day in front of a mirror and play with your boobies and your pooter. AKA probably the coolest thing ever. Now, as sick as that would be, lets not forget about the downside to being a girl. You’d automatically be a crazy psycho bitch, you might sneeze during that time of the month and be stuck with blood coming out of part of your body you wouldn’t be accustomed to if you were a guy, you wouldn’t be able to think rationally about any situation, you wouldn’t be good at or understand sports, you wouldn’t have a dick….the list goes on. Also, what if you got pregnant when you were a girl and then 6 months into the pregnancy, you sneeze. Then what happens? I don’t even want to think about it. Would you poop out a baby? Lord knows no guy wants the alternate hole opening up wide enough for a baby to slide out. There’s a lot of things to consider with Option A. Now for Option B: not be able to tell the difference between a baby and a cupcake. This would make for a hell of a lot of awkward encounters. Most people wouldn’t take too kindly to you walking up to their baby and trying to frost them then eat them. And by most people I mean everyone. On the flip side, you’re going to get a lot of weird looks when you walk into the local bakery and start making funny faces and baby-talking a cupcake. Trying to burp the cupcake, change it’s diaper, feed it. Definitely not a good look at all. I think we can all agree that not being able to tell the difference between a baby and cupcake would not be very enjoyable under any circumstance, but being a chick would also fucking blow. In the end, I’m going to have to go with changing genders every time you sneeze. Despite all the downsides to being a girl, you would get to play with your fun parts all day. And that can always be marked down in the win column. It’s called being #smart. Well, that concludes today’s philosophical sessions. You’re welcome.

It’s been a hot minute since I did one of these. Figured it was about time to bring this age old game, because I’m what some people refer to as #smart. And today it’s coming back with a bang, pun intended. This one is going to be a little difficult to wrap your heads around, so I apologize in advanced. Most of you will probably think that I’m a sick fuck, and to be completely honest, you probably wouldn’t be too far off from the truth. Sorry I’m not sorry. As some famous person somewhere said one time, its better to be weird than to be boring, or something along those lines. Anyways, lets get to the question at hand: Would you rather have your dad walk in on you fucking your dog, or your dog walk in on you fucking your dad. Obviously I could do without either of those things happen, but that’s not the point of this wonderful game. So, option A – have your dad walk in on you fucking your dog. On the plus side, your dog could be a girl, in which case she would technically have a pussy. On the downside, your fucking a dog so your dad knows that your a real weirdo, and not in a good way. Option B – have your dog walk in on your fucking your dad. On the plus side, your dog can’t talk so nobody would ever know that you rail out your pops. On the downside, your putting your dick in the man who’s little sperm buddies created you. Not exactly a good look, by any stretch of the imagination. I gotta go with option A on this one. Yea my dad would never look at me the same, but he might be so ashamed that he never tells anyone, so you can just chalk it up in the loss column and move along. Plus, we’ve all made that one mistake in the past where you were so blacked out that you slid your ding dong into some chick who might as well be a dog, so whatever. I just don’t think it’s at all possible to come back from fucking your dad, even if no one else knew about it. Plus, your dog would never look at you the same. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Dog fucking for the win!

 

 

 

FeetEars

 

 

Ah, the age old question. One that has been philosophlossersized over by the likes of Plato and Carrot Top for centuries upon days. If you have feet coming out of the side of your head you might get a couple looks from people thinking “uhhh why does that dude have feet where his ears are supposed to be?” Understandably people might be a little thrown off by it at first. But, is there a better ice breaker on this planet than having feet coming out of your head? If you’re at a bar having a couple bowls of loudmouth soup and some little filly comes up to you like “Hey, what’s with the feet bud?” Boom. You’re in. Your size 12’s will be bumpin’ to the beat of the first 2 1/2 minutes of “Too Close” while you disappoint the shit out of that poor girl. If life is about accomplishments than fucking a 6 with feet coming out of the side of your head based on a 7 minute bottle and cork relationship defines a successful life.

Not since the great and tragic life of Xmas Jaxon Flaxon Waxon has a man successfully had sex with more than 4 women while going through life with 7 inch dicks coming out of his chest instead of dime sized nips. The bright side of that fact? It’s not impossible. Xmas proved that and gave hope to all the penis-chested men from here to Middle Earth. The obvious question here is do the penises get boners? Like do I see a hot chick and pop 3 simultaneous hard ons? Will I be forced to walk around looking like I got shot from behind thru the chest and asshole and I have arrows poking out of me? That might be an even better ice breaker now that I think of it. “Uhhh what’s coming out of your chest?” “Oh, these? Those are my other two dicks. Play your cards right and the three-for-one special is in the realm of possibilities.” Boom. Now you’re fucking three chicks at once with your superhuman nipple dicks and your run of the mill regular dick. Absolute next level supergenetically advanced ultra crazy fuck sesh. That’s what they’d call it.

So, the choice is yours, America. Would you rather have feet where your ears are or dicks where your nipples are?

 

Would You Rather?

Posted: January 30, 2013 by snipe in Would You Rather

 

This one is pretty much only for the guys out there but if you’re a chick I guess you can construe it to fit your liking.

As men, we all dream about eventually having a son that we can turn into the next best athlete this world has ever seen. On the contrary, every man’s nightmare is having a daughter or, a son that listens to Adele and watches Chelsea Handler. Today’s question is pretty simple. On the one hand, you have a daughter and you have to lock in the house until she’s 25 and keep her home schooled for her entire life or else she will inevitably get pile driven the cocks of all the boys you would be patting on the back if they were your son. I honestly have no idea what I would do if I had a daughter. Most likely murder/suicide but the suicide is iffy and only somewhat likely because the murder will make me pretty upset.

On the other hand, let me start by saying that I fucking love gay people. I think they are fucking hilarious. Roll outta bed like they enhaled 20 Red Bulls in their sleep and just attack every single day with the energy of 1,000 suns. That being said, I could NEVER have a gay son. Well, if I had a gay son that I shared interests with, like sports, then I guess that’s one thing. But, if I had a flamboyantly gay dude for a son I don’t think I could do it. Now, I don’t mean that I wouldn’t love the absolute shit out of that little dude fucker. I would with all my heart. I just know that I wouldn’t be able to be a fully committed father the way I want to be if my son and I don’t share the same interests. Like if he would rather play the piano than play me one-on-one in the driveway than I’ll still love him  for that. I’d just be so fucking sad that we couldn’t share the same interests. As I’m writing this I’m starting to realize that a super gay son would probably broaden my interests to more than simply beer and sports but, regardless, I have no idea how I’d handle the situation and that scares me.

I guess my answer is kill myself to rid the world of pieces of shit like me who think about whether they’d rather have a daughter, gay son, or die. Excuse me while I check myself into a self-evaluation clinic.

BowlingBallMarbles

Another one of life’s most thought-provoking questions. I have literally gone sleepless for weeks at a time mulling over this and I still have absolutely no idea what the right answer is. On one hand you think to yourself, a marble really isn’t THAT big. But think about it in relation to the size of the average dickhole. I’m no scientist but I guarantee a marble is at least 2, maybe 3 thousand times the size of a dickhole. Easily. Have you ever spoken to someone that has passed kidney stones? They say it’s like the most excruciating pain known to man. And those things are BARELY visible to the naked eye, if at all. I’ll admit, at first I said piss a marble without even thinking about it. But the more I think about it, I have no fucking clue. Because once I went bowling and felt the actual size of a fucking bowling ball everything went right back to square one. Your asshole would be permanently stretched to 900 times the size it is right now and you’d probably shit uncontrollably without even knowing it for the rest of your life because your poohole is so wide that you can no longer feel when normal size poops come out anymore.

The choice is yours. It basically comes down to which part of your body are you more willing to have be stretched to unimaginable circumferences for the remainder of your days.

If you know me, which you don’t, you’d know that this is one of my go to questions. A truly deep, enlightening, and thought provoking question for all you heterosexual bros to mull over.

Would you rather fuck a dude or, get fucked by a dude?

Now I know what you’re thinking, snipe that’s gay bro! Is it!? Is it gay? Or is it the defining moment of your life? If you’re 100% straight then your answer to this question will change every other person on earth’s opinion of you. You say you’d get fucked and you’re a little bitch who gets dominated and can’t stand up for himself. You fuck the guy and you’re gay and get labeled as a dude who stuck his dick in another man’s ass. So, your destiny is in your own hands with this one fellas.