Figured it was about time to play one of my favorite games of all time, Would You Rather. Honestly the possibilities are endless with this game. It’s a real thinking man’s game too, which is one of the reasons I love it. On to today’s question.
What a fucking doozy. Well, let’s start with option A, being sexually attracted to fruit. Now, on one hand, this probably wouldn’t be so bad. I think that guy from Good Luck Chuck used to heat up cantaloupe in the microwave then cut a hole in it and fuck it. That doesn’t seem like it would be so bad. I could live with that I think, but it would have to be in the comfort of my own home. That’s where this whole thing gets iffy. This attraction would get very awkward in public. Picture walking down the street and there’s a fruit stand. And you can’t help yourself from grabbing a handful of grapes and rubbing them all over your body. Or making out with strawberries. Or fucking mangoes. Or getting sucked off by starfruit. That shit would probably just be too much for people to handle, not to mention weird as fuck, and not the good kind of weird. Definitely not a good look at all, and word would undoubtedly spread that you have a weird fruit fetish, which would either lead to some kinky ass sex with some chick who’s equally as fucked as you are, or, more likely, a very lonely life. So that brings us to option B, having Cheetos dust stuck on your fingers forever. All I can say about that is fuck that shit. I absolutely love Cheetos. Great snack food. All the “itos” family is pretty dope, Fritos, Doritos, Cheetos, etc. But the downfall of Cheetos is getting that fucking dust stuck on your fingers. Probably the most infuriating thing in the world. Easily top 5. In fact, I only eat Cheetos by crunching them up in the bag and then just dumping the bag down my throat, solely to avoid getting that shit all over my fingers. It takes about 45 minutes of intense, pornstar-esque sucking to get that orange tint off of your fingers. If that stuff was stuck on my fingers forever I would fucking kill someone. That would make blogging quite the task too, unless I wanted Cheetos cum all over my fucking keyboard. Ain’t nobody got time for that. So, I think I’m going to have to go with being sexually attracted to fruit, and just do my best to avoid fruit stands, or seeing fruit anywhere in public for that matter. And if I slip up with that, then I’ll take my chances with finding that special someone out there who will take a banana up the ass.