Archive for the ‘TV’ Category

Anyone who knows anything about anything knows that Breaking Bad is the shit. Walter White is one bad ass mother fucker. Jesse revolutionized the word “bitch”. Skylar actually is a bitch, but who gives a shit about that whore. This has been one of the best shows to ever be on “normal tv”. AMC simply gets it. Last night brought us the debut of the second half of season 5, and it delivered on so many levels. Its honestly remarkable to think about the type of talent Bryan Cranston possesses in order to go from playing his role in Malcolm in the Middle to the role he plays in Breaking Bad. I don’t want to give away too much about last night’s episode because I’m sure there’s a lot of you out there who have yet to see it, so I’ll simply quote the one and only Heisenberg, “if that’s true…if you don’t know who i am….then maybe your best course is to tread lightly”. Literally sent chills down my spine. Shit is about to go DOWN.

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Holy fucking fuck I am pumped for Season 3. Three more days until the opener is upon us. Just saw this short clip and got chills.

 

I might actually die from anticipation before Sunday. That would not be cool. Finally looks like we’re going to get to see the dragons in action, after not getting much action in season 2. And don’t even get me started on the White Walkers. God damn. This is the best show on TV you all need to figure it out if you don’t already watch it.

Source – The sex scenes and nudity are going to be gratuitous when it comes to any show on HBO, but it seems more and more like the Game of Thrones casting directors are scouting the show’s talent directly off YouPorn.

Maybe it’s a wise casting choice to employ method actors, considering three women who sell their bodies on the show have previously performed in adult films. Most famously, the porn past (NSFW) of actress Sibel Kekilli — who plays Shae (“Halfman” Tyrion Lannister’s hole whole woman) — came to light. But it was long before her Season 1 debut in GoT that the porn past of this widely acclaimed German actress became common fap-knowledge.

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Let me start by saying that Game of Thrones is boring as fuck. I sat there for the first 4 or 5 episodes and all I had to say for it was a spreadsheet of 347 names of characters that had all been independently developed like it was the fucking Bible or something. Absolute snooze fest.

But they got the right idea using real life dick loving whores as the whores in the show. Brilliant. You wouldn’t cast some goofy tall white guy to play Larry Bird would you? You want realistic mythical midget sex? Hire some professional dick riders. Boom. I’m sold.

 

P.S. If you have an hour and a half to kill and enjoy watching decent looking girls get pummeled by wiener. Click on that NSFW link. You and your penis will thank me 4 minutes into the video. People helping people.

So after my so called “friend”, snipe, put up his post about who the hottest video game broad of all time is the other day, I felt that I should talk about the who the hottest cartoon chick of all time is. Before I get into that, I felt that I had to speak on his article. Because he made two crucial mistakes. First of all, everyone and their mom would put Laura Croft from Tomb Raider on that list. That’s a fucking no brainer. I don’t know where exactly she would fall on my list, but she would definitely be somewhere on there. And secondly, I just wanted to make my case for Chun Li from street fighter. Not only is street fighter a CLASSIC game, but this little Asian chica is an absolute smoke. And she will literally FUCK YOUR DAY UP.

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One of the faster bitches you’ll ever come across in your life, her martial art skills are unmatched, as apparent when you used the “Spinning Bird Kick” special, where she spreads those beautiful legs into full split and spins upside down just rinsing the opponent in the face with kicks. I could fall into those big beautiful brown eyes, and her ass is so phat you can see it from the front. My #1 pick every time.

So that’s my two cents on snipers list, now onto the top 5 cartoon chicks.

5) Betty Boop

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Basically invented the entire cartoon sex game. She made her first appearance back in fucking 1930, and has had the game on lock ever since. This little slut gave all the homeless, miserable people during The Great Depression something to smile about. You gotta pay homage to those who laid down the foundations of whatever you may be talking about, and Betty Boop is just that. Without her, we wouldn’t have had any of the smoke show cartoons to follow. So thank you miss Boop, that wink will forever be instilled in my mind.

4) Daphne Blake

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This kinky fuck was my main squeeze back in the days before I knew why my dick would quadruple in size and get rock hard. Just always playing the damsel in distress card on Scooby Doo, which was an absolutely incredible show. You know Fred was hitting that every night in the back of the Mystery Machine. Even Velma would touch herself when thinking about this red headed harlot.

3) Smurfette

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Well if you didn’t think I was weird before by talking about the cartoon chicks that I want to fuck, now your definitely going to. Why this does this tiny blue Jezebel get the juices flowing? Simple. Just look at how she’s playing the field right now, acting all innocent and shit to papa smurf. Like hello, your the ONLY chick in smurf village, you know she’s plowing through cock each and every day. She’s a straight nympho. And we all know practice makes perfect. Gotta love a chick with that kind of commitment. I can only imagine the techniques she’s picked up over the years.

2) Princess Jasmine

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My #1 pick if we were talking about just Disney Princesses. Usually Princesses are little stuck up bitches, which is a HUGE turnoff, but Jasmine just gets it. She isn’t all about the glamor and riches and all that bullshit, she just wants to go on adventures and get some Grade A dick from a poor dude with a good heart. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Her hair just goes on for days and she always looks on point no matter what revealing thing shes wearing. I don’t know why but there’s just something about Middle Eastern chicks that is so god damn sexy.

1) Jessica Rabbit

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Pretty sure that picture speaks for itself. This red head just oozes sexuality from every single pore in her body. For starters, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” is one of the best movies that people never talk about. Just a classic. The way she struts her stuff is unreal, she knows she’s the sexiest bitch around and she doesn’t give a shit! I have to admit I have a thing for red heads in the first place, not only because I, myself, am one, but also because everyone who’s anyone knows that red heads are certifiable FREAKS in the sack. I mean, just look at those tits!! Are you kidding me. I don’t even feel weird when I say that I would take her on a ride through Pleasure Town and do her on every rainbow we came across. Jessica Rabbit for the undeniable win!!

So there you have it, the top 5 cartoon chicks I would undoubtedly run a train on if given the opportunity. Now I feel like I have to go have sex with a real life girl within the next 20 minutes or I’m a weirdo. So on that note, peace y’all.

And just for shits and giggles, to shout out the rest of the cartoon chicks out there doing the damn thing and to prove that I’m not the only sick fuck that thinks of these things:

I’ll be the first one to admit that I’ve never really cared for Geico commercials. Like most commercials these days, which we all know how I feel about, they are just a bunch of fucking nonsense that hardly has anything to do with the actually product, insurance. Recently they’ve been running a “Happier than” ad where they give all these stupid scenarios of how happy people are since they’ve switched to Geico. Most of them have been lack-luster, and some have just been flat out terrible. Alas, they finally got one right. Basically can’t ever go wrong by putting the one and only Dikembe Mutombo in a commercial. That laugh is absolute gold. Long live 55!

I was just having this conversation the other day with my friends, what happened to commercials? I’ll be watching TV and when a commercial break comes, I start channel surfing in order to avoid all the bullshit I see on the boob-tube. But every so often it just so happens that every show or sporting event that I would want to watch is on a commercial break, and my world gets turned upside down and I’m at a loss for words and horrified of what is undoubtedly coming next, a time period of about 1-4 minutes of having to watch the most idiotic, fucking dumb ass bullshit advertisements that have nothing to do with ANYTHING. Half the time I don’t even know what they advertisement is selling. The acting and writing is just straight up corny (another one of those insults that has lost its luster over the years, but back in the day you wouldn’t wanna be caught dead being corny). I’ll admit, one out of about every 250 commercials is actually well done or makes me laugh, but they are few and far between nowadays. That being said, Microsoft just came out with this ad for the new Internet Explorer, and I am honestly blown away with how incredibly well put together this commercial was. Here’s a look:

 

Obviously, I’m partial to it because I, myself, am a 90’s baby, but aside from that, this commercial was just perfectly made. Awesome references throughout the entire thing. Life did move slower, having a cool folder did make you the coolest kid in class, Oregon Trail was the best game EVER – until you and all your friends died, people weren’t wasting there time checking their vibrating pockets for their phone – they were talking in to each other in real life face to face scenarios, lunch was a puzzle – not some fucking picture on instagram, the future was so bright. And then to wrap it all up, “you grew up, so did we”. Perfectly ties the entire thing together. It’s weird, I actually know what Microsoft was trying to sell me and how the product is different. Crazy when things actually make sense. But overall just a terrifically made commercial that will make anyone who grew up in the 90’s yearn for the simpler times.

Which brings me to my last point, which I’ve touched on many a times before, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN TODAYS SOCIETY. How FUCKED are kids that are growing up these days. Its already bad enough what the current teenage population is into, I can only imagine what all the 5-12 year olds are going to be like a few years down the road. Where did we go wrong America?! WAKE THE HELL UP!!

Never Say No To Panda

Posted: January 29, 2013 by woody in Fun, TV
Tags: , , , , , , ,

My friend showed me these commercials a while back but I never got around to putting them up. Just classic marketing here. A little background information, Panda Cheese is a company based in Egypt and their commercials revolve around a Panda, naturally, who doesn’t take kindly to people not wanting Panda Cheese. The rest is comedic gold. Here are the 7 best commercials to date.

 

Moral of the story. Never say no to Panda. Ever.