Is Michael Phelps Actually A “Bad Boy”?

Posted: December 19, 2014 by woody in Actual News, Sports
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BALTIMORE (AP) — Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps avoided jail time on Friday when a judge placed him on probation for pleading guilty to a drunken driving charge for the second time in 10 years. The punishment came with a warning.

“You don’t need a lecture from the court,” Baltimore District Judge Nathan Braverman told Phelps. “If you haven’t gotten the message by now, or forget the message, the only option is jail.”

Probation allows the most decorated Olympian ever to focus on training for the 2016 Games in Rio De Janeiro, which would be his fifth. The 29-year-old came out of a year’s retirement with his sights set on Rio, and the plea is not expected to have any ill effect on those plans.

The swimmer was contrite in court, with his attorney detailing his pursuit of sobriety since his arrest, including 45 days of inpatient treatment in Arizona. A letter from his doctor there was glowing, saying he was forthright and cooperative.

I know this story came out back in September, but again, I wasn’t writing during that time, so here we are. And he just pled guilty to this today in order to avoid jail time, so its a relevant story again. And now this is something that I find myself wondering. And when I say I find myself wondering, I mean the media is definitely going to try to make me wonder. Is Michael Phelps a bad boy? 2 DUI’s under his belt. Smokes weed on the reg. Just doesn’t seem to give a fuck about anything except having a good time. Well let me answer that question for you. No, no he is not a bad boy. Look at his face. He’s got that Andrew Luck kind of face that you look at and just think to yourself “what a dork”, despite what tremendous athletes the both of them are. Guys that are dorks can not be bad boys. That’s like the fourth commandment. The media will for sure try to make it seem like he is though, because we live in absolute pussy land country now. He got his first DUI when he was 19. That basically doesn’t even count. Everyone drives drunk when they’re a teenager. Its kind of like a right of passage. If you didn’t ever do that then you are probably a loser. Smoking weed? Please. That’s already legal in multiple states and give it a few years and it will be legal everywhere. Smoke crack or meth or something if you’re trying to impress me. Now as far as the second DUI goes, probably not the best look. You’re 29 Michael. Clean it up guy. But does that make him a badass? Not by any stretch of the imagination. That makes him a dumbass. Like hey bro, didn’t you win like 58 Olympic Gold Medals in one day? I might have to check my math on that but I think that was it. Anyways, I’m pretty sure that makes you rich, so it’s called get a fucking driver. Shit, I’ll drive you around. Give me a solid $75,000 a year and full access to you’re pussy posse and I am good to go. Where the fuck do I sign. I’ll keep you out of this dumb controversy so you don’t have to talk to the media sounding like an absolute retard about how you look forward to a brighter future. All these rich athletes who get in trouble for DUI’s and this and that will forever remain a mystery to me. YOU GUYS ARE SO FUCKING RICH. You blow the same amount of money on pointless bullshit in about a week that it would take to just hire a driver for a year. Then you literally can go out and drink as much as you want, blow coke off of strippers titties, sip some sizzurp with Lil Weezy, do whatever the fuck you want, and not worry about getting behind a wheel and either getting pulled over or killing someone, or yourself, in the process. It’s the definition of a no brainer. End of rant.


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