Archive for the ‘MLB’ Category

 

PAH! I have a serious question. How come every time someone goes out to throw a first pitch, they turn into an absolute retard and shit like this happens. It doesn’t matter if it’s an athlete (Swaggy P, I’m looking at you) a celebrity, a musician, politician, old lady, cat, the list goes on forever. I don’t care if you have negative zero ounces of athleticism coursing through your veins. Throwing a baseball 60 feet and 6 inches in a somewhat straight manner should not be that difficult. It doesn’t have to be a 95 MPH fastball. You don’t have to drop a knee-buckling 12-6 curveball. You literally just have to lob it over the plate. But no, apparently that’s too difficult for people these days. The “justttt a bit outside” reference was perfect. Like hey 50, don’t almost smash the guy taking a picture of you in the face with your pitch, he’s standing legit 10-15 feet away from home plate.

 

PS – There’s really no other move than just laughing at yourself when this happens right? Everyone does the same thing when they horribly fuck up a first pitch. They just laugh because they know they just looked like a fucking retard on national television. I don’t even laugh at this shit anymore. Just shake my head in embarrassment for the human race. Another sad day to be a human folks.

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Alright so apparently WordPress is whack as fuck and won’t let me upload the video via any of the media outlets I attempted to. Not really sure what the deal is with that, they should probably get their shit together. I should be able to put a vine on this, or an MLB.com video. But whatever. Here is the link to the video that you have to check out. Honestly the smoothest move from a little kid I’ve seen since Squints stole a smooch from Wendy Peffercorn, who by the way was an absolute smoke. Been giving little kids boners since ’93. I would be sort of mad at the fact that this kid is going to be stealing grade A poon from the rest of us dudes, but honestly the flawlessness of his move left me speechless and unable to do anything except respect the fuck out of his game. It’s a sad day when you come to the realization that a 10-year-old has smoother moves with cute chicks, OLDER CUTE CHICKS than you do, but I can’t hate. Got nothing but love for this little stud in the making. Keep doing you bro. Keep doing you.

 

PS – I would bet my life savings on the fact that this kid got a handy from that girl during the 7th inning stretch in some random bathroom stall. Had to, right? Literally no other outcome from pulling off the old hidden ball trick.

cabrera

 

Nothing to see here folks, just Miggy going about his every day business of being the absolute fucking man. I can’t remember the last time I saw a baseball player go shake a kids hand in the stands. Don’t even know if I’ve ever seen it in my entire life to be honest. Tossing them a foul ball or giving them a bat, glove, hat, or whatever is one thing. Giving out autographs before the game is one thing. But this is just awesome. Baseball players are notoriously superstitious, more so than other athletes, so they all have their little routine when walking into the on-deck circle. But Miggy doesn’t care about breaking his routine to make that little fuckers night. Because nothing can ever phase Miggy. He is the best hitter we’ve seen in baseball in a long fucking time, no disrespect to anyone else. Just an all around great display of awesomeness from this guy. When he isn’t bending over my team’s pitching staff and fucking them right in the butt, he is giving a kid a night and a moment he will never forget for the rest of his life. Class act.

Sad day in baseball today folks. Later this afternoon, baseball will wave goodbye to one of the best pitchers of my lifetime, Roy Halladay. This guy was the definition of a work horse. Although he will probably be best remembered for the huge contract he signed with the Phillies, throwing a perfect game in 2010, followed later by a no hitter in his FIRST postseason appearance, I will always remember his days on the lowly Blue Jays. That’s why I love the 1-day contract so he can retire with the team that made him who he is. The guy threw 220+ innings in 8 of 10 seasons with the Blue Jays and Phillies, except for 2004 and 2005, which were both cut short due to injury, otherwise he would have reached that impressive mark. The guy was good for like 7 complete games every season during that stretch. Halladay’s career record was 203-105 with a 3.38 ERA, 2,117 strikeouts, 67 complete games and 20 shutouts for the Phillies and Jays. He won 2 Cy Young awards. Unfortunately, his career has come to a sooner-than-expected end because of injuries. This past year he was barely able to break 80 MPH with his fastball, an obvious sign that something was wrong. This guy is just a professional. No bullshit, just played the game it was supposed to be played, with the type of integrity that seems to have gone missing with athletes these days. Not sure how I go about getting a Hall of Fame vote, but if I did have one, he would undoubtedly get my vote. I don’t see any reason why this stud won’t find himself immortalized forever in the Hall of Fame one day. Take it easy Roy, you will be missed.

halladay

Ok so the playoffs are right around the corner, both for fantasy baseball and for real baseball. The Reds find themselves in the middle of a heated pennant race with the Cardinals, and Reds manager Dusty Baker recently moved his slugging at second baseman, Brandon Phillips, to the second spot in the lineup. Apparently, reporter Trent Rosecrants didn’t agree with the decision. First, he tweeted, “Reds go from a hitter with a .320 OBP in the 2 hole to one with a .310 OBP”. Then he followed that up with, “Phillips career slash line: .272/.320/.430. career slash in 2 spot: .277/.320/.424”. Now, his comments weren’t exactly going at Phillips, they were more of just stating facts. However, Phillips took offense to the tweets, and this is what ensued when Phillips went to handle his pregame media obligations.

 

Probably a little over board, but hey, who am I to judge. My only question is how many fantasy points do I get for Phillips freaking out on this fat ass? Do I win the week? Do I win the first round of the playoffs automatically? Do I win it all? I have to get something for having Brandon Phillips on my team. Dude had swag before people knew what swag was. He has been the man for years. And him calling some idiot reporter a fat motherfucker just tickles my fancy for some reason.

 

I don’t really know what to say about this. Like, it would be one thing if he chose his bats by licking them, then walked up to the plate absolutely belted out home runs, or laced some line drives down the line or in the gap. But he doesn’t. He’s hitting a measly .222 with only 5 dingers and 10 doubles. Those are pedestrian numbers. So not only do you look like a fucking a weirdo, and I don’t mean that in the good way I usually use it, on national TV, but you also suck. Don’t quit your day job bro. Actually your day job is baseball, so maybe you should quit.

 

So I was just reading this story on how Coello has spent the last few years perfecting what is essentially a forkball. No one really throws forkballs anymore, but Coello has it down to a tee. Except there’s one difference between his forkball and everyone else’s.  There is absolutely NO spin on his pitch. It’s essentially an 80 MPH knuckle ball. And he has deemed this pitch the “WTF” pitch. “Catchers call it. Hitters say it”. Pretty fucking boss move on his part. All I know is that is one nasty ass pitch, and I would not want to be in the batters box trying to get a hold of that thing. Especially when he couples that with a mid-upper 90s fastball. Its taken him years to finally get it right, but I have a feeling all that work will all pay off in the end.