Archive for the ‘Golf’ Category

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/golf-devil-ball-golf/103-year-old-man-records-his-eighth-ace–becomes-oldest-with-hole-in-one-012551146-golf.html

They say golf is a game you can play for a lifetime. So long as you’re upright and swinging, that means you have a chance to make an ace, just like 103-year-old Gus Andreone did in Florida on Wednesday.

Andreone, the oldest member of the PGA of America, made the hole-in-one at Palm Aire Country Club in Sarasota, Fla. He used a driver from the green tees on the 113-yard 14th hole at the Lakes Course. 

“I hit it solid and the ball then hit the ground about 30 yards from the green and kept rolling, rolling and rolling,” Andreone said, according to PGA.com. “It fell into the hole, which was cut on the right middle part of the green. Miracles do happen once in a while.” 

Anderone, who now has eight lifetime aces, may well be the oldest man to have ever recorded a hole-in-one. The apparent prior record holder was Elsie McLean, who made a hole-in-one at 102 years old in 2007.  Anderone’s first ace came 75 years ago in 1939. His last one before Wednesday was sometime in the 1990s, on the same course’s 17th hole.

Fucking golf man. Such a crazy sport. Imagine being 103 and doing anything besides pooping your pants and drooling? I can’t. That is the only thing life entails in my mind after you hit the old century mark. Yet here we have Gus Andreone, just doing the damn thing and hitting aces on a golf course. Something a lot of golfers go a lifetime without ever achieving, and this guy is just swinging his wrinkly dick around the golf course driving a 113 yard hole-in-one like it ain’t no thang. And it was the 8th of his life, the first of which came back in 1939. Just think about that for a second. He literally had his first hole-in-one during the Great Depression. Who in the fuck played golf during the Great Depression anyways? This guy has immediately shot up my list of most interesting people on the planet. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he can even swing a golf club without dislocating both shoulders and having his backbone just disintegrate into dust, let alone get a fucking hole-in-one. I think it’s time to start drinking because that’s the only way this story will ever make sense to me. On that note, I’m outta here. Love y’all.

Just kidding. He did, however, scare the absolute shit out of that poor guy. Baboons are hilarious. Monkeys in general are absolutely fascinating. I remember when my parents used to take me to the zoo and I’d just laugh my dick off at the monkeys that have the bright pink butts. Shit, I’d still laugh my dick off and I’m like 32 now. Pink butted monkeys will always be funny and if you disagree you need new undies cause there’s a big poo in the ones you’re wearing.

Yea you read that right. A fucking 11-year-old just qualified for the Us Women’s Open. 11. Pretty sure I was spending hours in front of a computer screen playing Age of Empires and figuring out how to jerk off when I was 11. Little Lucy Li is just doing the damn thing qualifying for tournaments with the best women golfers in the world, most of which are at least twice her age. Just to give you a little insight as to how young she really is, she was born in 2002. When I hear 2002, I still think “oh yea that was a few years ago”. I don’t know why, because it was 12 years ago now, but that’s just my train of thought. She shot a 74 in her first round, followed by a spiffy 68 in her second to put her into the Open. Incredible stuff when you really think about it. Just another sign that the pendulum of World Power is making it’s way back to the far east. Fucking Asia man, fucking Asia.

PS – Crystal Marie Denha can get it. @iamcrystalmarie huh? Look’s like I’ll have to hop on twitter real quick.

Pshhhh. Talk about a boss move. Matt Wheatcroft definitely got his pee pee sucked in the bathroom of the 19th hole. The kind of stuff you read about. Not only did he think of the move in the first place, he literally put within about 2 ft of the pin. Matty boy just became one of my favorite golfers. Hands down.

So Tiger has been one of my favorite golfers for pretty much my entire life just because he basically dominated every facet of the game when I was growing up so he was someone to idolize. Then he solidified himself as the man with his highly publicized problem with “sex addiction”, aka being a guy, over the last few years. But there is a man lurking in the shadows that is quickly making a name for himself. That man goes by the name of Bubba Watson, and he just completely changed the game with his new hovercraft golf cart. And no, you didn’t misread that. Here’s a look.

Talk about being a fucking boss. I need one of these and I needed it yesterday. I will never play golf again until I own one of those. Oh, there’s a water hazard in the way? No worries, let me just glide over it and over that sand trap and park right next to the green. Just cruise down the middle of the fairway like it ain’t no thang. This is by far the coolest thing I’ve seen in sports so far this year. Bravo, Bubba. Bravo.

Breaking news folks. Turns out Tiger is still the man and still laying the pipe. According to reports, Tiger Woods has a new main squeeze. None other than Lindsey Vonn, Olympic Gold Medal winning skier. Aside from probably being one of the coolest chicks on the planet, Vonn is a smoke.

vonn

Granted, her face could be better, but I can 100% guarantee that she rides some incredible cock with those thighs. No doubt about it. Tiger just further proving that 2013 is his year. 2 Majors soon to follow for sure. It’s Tigers world people, we’re all just living in it.

So I was reading this story today on Yahoo! and this guy was completely bashing the Olympics for getting rid of wrestling in order to make room for golf. So let’s take a look at the pros and cons for each sport.

WRESTLING

wrestling

Pros:

1) Its been an Olympic sport since 1896, so its tradition. – okay I’ll give you that one

2) At it’s basics, its a test of strength and athleticism. – I think that’s important when considering an Olympic sport

That’s literally all I could come up with.

Cons:

1) Wrestling is gay. – Did you see the picture above? I’m not saying those dudes wouldn’t kick my ass, they probably would, but seriously it’s so gay. Who wants to watch a bunch of bros in spandex butt hump each other and pop boners. Not me.

2) It’s boring to watch. – Despite the strength and athleticism it takes, it’s not very exciting at all. Ever seen a wrestling move on Sportscenter’s Top 10? No. Not unless it was Rey Mysterio doing the 619.

3) Questionable degree of difficulty. – If some bro with one leg can be the best college wrestler in the country, is it really all that hard of a sport?

4) WRESTLING IS GAY. – Wait, did I say that already?

GOLF

golf

Pros:

1) Golf is fucking hard. – Have you ever played 18 holes and tried to shoot par, aka what you’re supposed to get on a golf course? Literally impossible. Just ask Robin Williams. So it will take an incredible amount of talent to win gold.

2) Golfers are awesome. – Literally every golfer in the world not named Phil Mickelson or Vijay Singh is the fucking man. Or woman (just look at my post earlier today) Dustin Johnson? Bro just crushes 360 yard bombs from the tee, gets like 8 DUI’s in college and blows coke. AND absolutely lays pipe down on Paulina Gretzky aka “The Great One’s” daughter. The things I would do to live his life… Oh yea and that guy Tiger Woods? Just swimming in porn star pussy on the reg because his bitch of a wife was probably being a bitch. Arnold Palmer has a delicious drink named after him, and everyone in the world wants to crush beers and rip butts with John Daly.

3) Golf itself is awesome. – Is there anything better than hitting the links on a beautiful day with your boys, a couple 30s of drinkability, and some pre-rolled j’s? Not that I know of. Heaven maybe? Trick question, that is what heaven is.

Cons:

1) Not everyone in the world has the opportunity to play golf. – This is the only thing I could come up with, and I do feel a little bad that all those athletes in 3rd world countries wouldn’t really have a shot at Olympic glory, which is one of the best parts about the Olympics, but you know what? Don’t be born in a 3rd world country next time. IDIOTS.

And actually there is one more thing that this loser on Yahoo! was crying about that could be considered a con, if it made any sense whatsoever that is. He thinks that winning the gold medal wouldn’t mean anything to the golfers. He claims that, “it wouldn’t be a green jacket”. Yea no shit Sherlock. It would be a fucking gold medal. There is no way in hell that this guy can convince me that winning a gold medal wouldn’t mean as much to a golfer as a gold medal. Like yea, obviously they’re going to want to win a green jacket too, but HELLLOOOO. It’s an Olympic gold medal. The epitome of success in sport. Just because golf hasn’t been an Olympic sport before, so the green jacket was the highest honor a golfer could receive, doesn’t mean that once it it becomes a sport a gold medal wouldn’t mean more. You’re nuts if you think winning a gold medal wouldn’t be better than anything. Magine just walking around wearing a gold medal around your neck. Like hey guys, see this? This means I’m literally the best golfer in the world. Now lick my balls.

Bottom line is that while I am all for tradition usually, golf is just flat out a way better sport than wrestling. It shouldn’t even be a discussion. And this dude on Yahoo! is a fucking loser.