Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

As if I needed another reason to prove why women are legit psycho’s. Some broad out in Japan became obsessed with the Disney movie “Frozen” after she first saw it, leading her to watch it about a bagillion times over the next couple weeks. Then, one night, she made her husband of SIX YEARS watch the movie in hopes that he too would be obsessed with it. So they watched it, and he simply said that he didn’t care for it. This is an actual quote from the aforementioned woman, “If you can’t understand what makes this movie great, there’s something wrong with you as a human being!”. And after that night, she moved out of their house back into her parents house and refuses to speak to her husband. The husband adamantly claims that there were no preexisting issues before the whole “Frozen” debacle, which I 100% believe. Look, I’m probably one of the like 3% of people who haven’t seen “Frozen” yet. And I’m actually a huge fan of Disney movies. I’m sure its a good movie. But to move out of the house you were living in with your husband of six years, refuse to talk to him, and file for divorce is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard of in my entire life. And by my entire life I basically mean today, because I feel like in this fucked up world I’m saying that more and more every day, but who’s counting. Moral of the story is that all chicks are psycho’s and us men are simply just not meant to co-exist with that other mutant species.

 

 

womencrazy

 

 

PS – Don’t worry ladies, I still think you’re beautiful, so you still have that going for you.

Join the club my dude. Tatum was recently interviewed by GQ after being cast as Gambit in a future “X-Men” movie. In the interview, he admitted that he likes to have a good time. Tatum said, “I probably drink too much, you know. My wife, that’s what she bought into, I’m probably a pretty high-functioning, I guess, you know, I would say, alcoholic, I guess. There’s probably a tendency to escape. I equate it to creativity, and I definitely equate it to having a good time”. Thank fucking god someone finally calls a spade a spade. Channing, you just earned mad respect from me bro. Despite how much you tiptoed around the fact that you’re a alcoholic, like seriously say I guess more times, at least you came out and said it. “High-functioning alcoholic” is definitely my new go to term when describing myself too. And he just flat out nailed it when he talked about the tendency to escape, and equating it to creativity and having a good time. Every real person knows that and I hate how everyone tries to act like that’s not the case. How about instead of lying to ourselves and our kids about shit like alcohol and weed and whatever else we just tell them how it is and let them figure shit out for themselves.

On a completely separate note, Tatum is going to make a badass Gambit, my favorite X-Men character. He also spoke on his new role, “Gambit’s the only superhero I really followed. He was the most real to me: smoking, drinking, women loving, thief. He just looked cool to me. I’ve always loved him”. With every word Tatum said in this interview I realized more and more how much I feel like we would be best friends. Smoking, drinking, women-loving…what’s not to like? He even talked about an imaginary friend he used to have growing up, “His name was Boy. I think I just lived in an imaginary world. I was always playing war in the woods, people are chasing me. I wasn’t doing it because i was desperate for friends. I had friends”. Who didn’t play war in the woods growing up? Psycho’s that’s who. That’s all I fucking did. As far as the imaginary friend thing, I don’t hate it. I had two brothers and a couple friends who lived within walking distance of my house growing up, so I never really got much into the whole imaginary friend thing, but if I did his name definitely would have a better name than “boy”. Not gonna lie Tatum lost a little bit of his recently gained credit when I read that part. Like come on man, you claimed that you lived in an imaginary world, if you had a lot of imagination I’m sure you could have come up with something less generic than “boy”. That’s a fucking rookie move. But anyways, back to my original point when I started writing this, Tatum seems like someone I’d want to have a beer with, and can we all just agree to just tell it how it is instead of lying to ourselves and everyone else? End of rant.

 

Rating Board Officials have forced Martin Scorsese, AKA one of the greatest directors of all time, to take out some sex scenes in his upcoming baller ass movie, Wolf Of Wall Street. The film was threatened with receiving an N-17 rating, which would bar anyone under the age of 17 from seeing the movie in theaters, no matter what. Scorsese decided to fold and make the necessary cuts instead of challenging the ruling. Seriously what the fuck. N-17 rating? Why do they even bother with that shit. This isn’t the 50’s. Ever heard of the internet people? Any kid with a computer is two clicks away from watching 6 midgets gang bang a horse cock. Not some dude with a hog, but like an actual horse’s cock. I don’t see any fucking age restrictions on that, other than them asking you to answer “yes” or “no” to the question “are you 18”. What kind of security is that anyways. Who in their right mind would ever click no? I wonder what actually happens when you click no. Does it redirect you to nickelodeon.com? Does it let you enter the website anyways? Does your computer explode? Are you suddenly teleported  to an alternate universe with ponies and unicorns and butterflies frolicking down candy cane lane while gum drops rain from the sky? Who fucking knows. I’m not taking any chances, that’s for sure. Anyways, got a little sidetracked there, but all I’m really trying to say is if we can’t all watch Leo run absolute train on some smokes, then what are we living for? Honestly.

 

leo

 

I don’t think I have ever been more scared for a comedy movie to come out in my life. Anchorman is, in my humble opinion, the funniest movie of all time. If not the absolute funniest, then its without a doubt tin the top 3, probably alongside Superbad and Zoolander. So naturally, seeing as basically every sequel EVER sucks absolute balls, I’m a little perturbed about how this might end up. On one hand, it has Will Ferrell, the funniest man in the world, alongside some of the other greats in the game, a great storyline to work off of, a bunch of A-list cameos, and of course a dog named Baxter. On the other hand, its a sequel. I’m going to give Will Ferrell the benefit of the doubt on this one, even though we all know what can happen when a guy starts making movies just to make them (see: Adam Sandler). I just really hope it delivers on the hype. Unfortunately, I have to wait an agonizing 6 months to get the chance to find out, seeing as it doesn’t come out until the 25th, so in the mean time I guess I’m just going to go watch “This Is The End”.

 

Junior year of college, me and the asshole used to have this track on repeat when we would go on L rides in our friends car. Gunz basically just spazzes for a hot minute and we couldn’t get enough of it.

Hangover 3 Trailer

Posted: March 7, 2013 by woody in Movies
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Yes. All I can say is yes.

sneaky the funniest line in any movie ever.

Posted: January 23, 2013 by snipe in Movies

I have seen Scary Movie 3 50+ times and every single time he says “Tom, I’ll need a ride home,” I laugh out loud. Literally every single time. Hey bro, you’re wife is split open like a taco, hot dog, grinder, and donut but, just so you know I need a fucking ride home. Classic.