This week’s episode features a guest spot from DJ Sluyter, who recently had an article written about him in some magazine you may have heard of, Rolling Stones, no big deal. Anyways, we talk about things like how much money you would need to be a girl for the rest of your life, would you rather have your dad walk in on you fucking your dog, or your dog walk in you fucking your dad (a familiar would you rather if you are a true fan), the fact that alligators are taking over the world, and a bunch of other silly shit. Follow us on Twitter @einsteinskrypto and shoot us some questions that we will address on air. Peace, one love.
Figured it was about time to play one of my favorite games of all time, Would You Rather. Honestly the possibilities are endless with this game. It’s a real thinking man’s game too, which is one of the reasons I love it. On to today’s question.
What a fucking doozy. Well, let’s start with option A, being sexually attracted to fruit. Now, on one hand, this probably wouldn’t be so bad. I think that guy from Good Luck Chuck used to heat up cantaloupe in the microwave then cut a hole in it and fuck it. That doesn’t seem like it would be so bad. I could live with that I think, but it would have to be in the comfort of my own home. That’s where this whole thing gets iffy. This attraction would get very awkward in public. Picture walking down the street and there’s a fruit stand. And you can’t help yourself from grabbing a handful of grapes and rubbing them all over your body. Or making out with strawberries. Or fucking mangoes. Or getting sucked off by starfruit. That shit would probably just be too much for people to handle, not to mention weird as fuck, and not the good kind of weird. Definitely not a good look at all, and word would undoubtedly spread that you have a weird fruit fetish, which would either lead to some kinky ass sex with some chick who’s equally as fucked as you are, or, more likely, a very lonely life. So that brings us to option B, having Cheetos dust stuck on your fingers forever. All I can say about that is fuck that shit. I absolutely love Cheetos. Great snack food. All the “itos” family is pretty dope, Fritos, Doritos, Cheetos, etc. But the downfall of Cheetos is getting that fucking dust stuck on your fingers. Probably the most infuriating thing in the world. Easily top 5. In fact, I only eat Cheetos by crunching them up in the bag and then just dumping the bag down my throat, solely to avoid getting that shit all over my fingers. It takes about 45 minutes of intense, pornstar-esque sucking to get that orange tint off of your fingers. If that stuff was stuck on my fingers forever I would fucking kill someone. That would make blogging quite the task too, unless I wanted Cheetos cum all over my fucking keyboard. Ain’t nobody got time for that. So, I think I’m going to have to go with being sexually attracted to fruit, and just do my best to avoid fruit stands, or seeing fruit anywhere in public for that matter. And if I slip up with that, then I’ll take my chances with finding that special someone out there who will take a banana up the ass.
What an absolute classic Would You Rather we have on our hands today folks. We’re about to get real philosophical up in this bitch. Let’s get right into this. Option A: change genders every time you sneeze. The only pro I can think of in regards to this is that you get to be a chick for a little bit. Ipso facto, you can lay in bed all day in front of a mirror and play with your boobies and your pooter. AKA probably the coolest thing ever. Now, as sick as that would be, lets not forget about the downside to being a girl. You’d automatically be a crazy psycho bitch, you might sneeze during that time of the month and be stuck with blood coming out of part of your body you wouldn’t be accustomed to if you were a guy, you wouldn’t be able to think rationally about any situation, you wouldn’t be good at or understand sports, you wouldn’t have a dick….the list goes on. Also, what if you got pregnant when you were a girl and then 6 months into the pregnancy, you sneeze. Then what happens? I don’t even want to think about it. Would you poop out a baby? Lord knows no guy wants the alternate hole opening up wide enough for a baby to slide out. There’s a lot of things to consider with Option A. Now for Option B: not be able to tell the difference between a baby and a cupcake. This would make for a hell of a lot of awkward encounters. Most people wouldn’t take too kindly to you walking up to their baby and trying to frost them then eat them. And by most people I mean everyone. On the flip side, you’re going to get a lot of weird looks when you walk into the local bakery and start making funny faces and baby-talking a cupcake. Trying to burp the cupcake, change it’s diaper, feed it. Definitely not a good look at all. I think we can all agree that not being able to tell the difference between a baby and cupcake would not be very enjoyable under any circumstance, but being a chick would also fucking blow. In the end, I’m going to have to go with changing genders every time you sneeze. Despite all the downsides to being a girl, you would get to play with your fun parts all day. And that can always be marked down in the win column. It’s called being #smart. Well, that concludes today’s philosophical sessions. You’re welcome.
It’s been a hot minute since I did one of these. Figured it was about time to bring this age old game, because I’m what some people refer to as #smart. And today it’s coming back with a bang, pun intended. This one is going to be a little difficult to wrap your heads around, so I apologize in advanced. Most of you will probably think that I’m a sick fuck, and to be completely honest, you probably wouldn’t be too far off from the truth. Sorry I’m not sorry. As some famous person somewhere said one time, its better to be weird than to be boring, or something along those lines. Anyways, lets get to the question at hand: Would you rather have your dad walk in on you fucking your dog, or your dog walk in on you fucking your dad. Obviously I could do without either of those things happen, but that’s not the point of this wonderful game. So, option A – have your dad walk in on you fucking your dog. On the plus side, your dog could be a girl, in which case she would technically have a pussy. On the downside, your fucking a dog so your dad knows that your a real weirdo, and not in a good way. Option B – have your dog walk in on your fucking your dad. On the plus side, your dog can’t talk so nobody would ever know that you rail out your pops. On the downside, your putting your dick in the man who’s little sperm buddies created you. Not exactly a good look, by any stretch of the imagination. I gotta go with option A on this one. Yea my dad would never look at me the same, but he might be so ashamed that he never tells anyone, so you can just chalk it up in the loss column and move along. Plus, we’ve all made that one mistake in the past where you were so blacked out that you slid your ding dong into some chick who might as well be a dog, so whatever. I just don’t think it’s at all possible to come back from fucking your dad, even if no one else knew about it. Plus, your dog would never look at you the same. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Dog fucking for the win!