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Einstein’s Kryptonite: Episode Cinco

This week’s episode features a guest spot from DJ Sluyter, who recently had an article written about him in some magazine you may have heard of, Rolling Stones, no big deal. Anyways, we talk about things like how much money you would need to be a girl for the rest of your life, would you rather have your dad walk in on you fucking your dog, or your dog walk in you fucking your dad (a familiar would you rather if you are a true fan), the fact that alligators are taking over the world, and a bunch of other silly shit. Follow us on Twitter @einsteinskrypto and shoot us some questions that we will address on air. Peace, one love.

 

Einstein’s Kryptonite: Episode Quatro

And now we have our fourth episode. Kowboy went out and bought a shit ton of equipment to make us sound a hell of a lot better and lets us do cool things like talk in demons voices and shit. This is definitely the best one to date, and it even features a guest spot form the asshole himself. So sit back and enjoy this hour of debauchery homies and homettes.

 

Einstein’s Kryptonite: Episode Tres

Two episodes into this and I like to think the second one came out better than the first. I know damn well this third one was better than the first two, and the fourth one was the best because of something that will become apparent as soon as you start listening to the fourth episode. We started this one off with a bang, a literal bang if you consider some chick ripping a fart into a camera that sounds like chewbacca’s mating call a bang. Which if you don’t, then you probably aren’t a fan of the type of stuff that we do here, so fuck you. Anyways, here’s our third episode, enjoy fuckers.

Einsteins Kryptonite: Episode Dos

Hope you enjoyed that first episode, I know that the sound quality wasn’t ideal, but like I said that was our first time doing anything like that, and we basically were just learning as we went. Also turned out we were talking into the microphones backwards. Whoops. Anyways, here is episode numero dos, and we brought in a special guest for the first time, and coincidentally had our first two guest callers live on air who happened to be completely unplanned. Here we go.

Introducing My New Podcast: Einsteins Kryptonite

Alright so listen up folks, I know the blog has been dead for quite some time. Some of that has been due to my lack of a serviceable laptop, some of it has to do with the fact that I was working literally all the time for a solid 6 months, but mostly its because I got lazy and drink all the time. But now that I am newly 26 years old, I am officially an adult who pays for his own life insurance (which sucks) and have very recently decided maybe its time to get some shit in my life in some kind of order. One of my first grown up, big boy, adult decisions was to finally start pursuing a dream of mine that I’ve had for quite some time, and that is to be a TV/radio personality. But, since its 2016 and the radio is basically as dead as this blog is, and I have red hair and that creeps people out so TV is out of the window, that left me with one option. Podcasts. I never really got into Podcasts until Serial first came out last year, and then I discovered all the Barstool Podcasts, and anyone who knows me knows that I am a big Stoolie, so naturally I got super into those. And when I realized Podcasting was the new big thing, I started just listening to all types of different shit studying up on what works and what doesn’t. Initially, I wanted to start one with my wonderful co-owner of this once flourishing website, the asshole himself, Mr. Sniper, but seeing as he lives in Portland now, and I am in Austin, that makes it a little tougher than if we were in the same city. Long story short, that Podcast is in the works and we have done a couple dry run throughs and its going to be fucking gold once I get all the equipment set up in my apartment so the sound quality doesn’t sound like shit. However, flashback about a month and a half ago, I told a goofball of a character I work with about my Podcasting aspirations, and he immediately hopped on board and said he wanted to start one with me. A few days later, he bought a mic on his own and showed up at my apartment and basically said look were doing this whether you’re ready or you aren’t. And with that, “Einstein’s Kryptonite” was born. Basically its me, my roommate/co-worker/friend, Computer Guy, and the host who is also a co-worker/friend but not a roommate, Kowboy. This is the first episode that we recorded, and as of today we have 4 total with the 5th one being mastered as we speak. So I’m going to throw these up on this blog since we already have an established and remarkably loyal fan base considering how inconsistent me and the asshole have been over the last 5 years or however fucking long ago we started this. So shout out to you guys, every time I hop on here just to look at stats for poo-poo’s and ha-ha’s, I am shocked we still get as many daily views as we do. So thanks to y’all, you are very appreciated, and I hope you like this new direction I’ve taken in life since I am a grownup and all now. So give us a listen, tell your friends about us, tell your family about us, tell your pets about us, tell your enemies about us, tell Jesus about us when you pray at night if that’s the kind of thing you’re into. We release one episode a week, usually somewhere around an hour or so, which is perfect for a lot of people’s commute to and from work, and it makes for great distraction while you’re in the office and want to talk yourself off the ledge, just make sure you put headphones in or else your co-workers will think you are as fucked as we are and you might have to answer to HR or maybe even get fired. Consider yourself forewarned. And be on the lookout for “Exceptionally Mediocre”, which will soon be out there on the internets and you guys can get back to enjoying the banter between me and Mr. Sniper. But in the mean time, ladies and gentlemen, without further adieu, “Einsteins Kryptonite: Episode Uno”

 

Final Four Preview: Who Will Cut Down the Nets in Houston?

 

So, it’s finally here. After an absolutely banana sandwich of an NCAA Tourney that included perhaps the greatest upset in tournament history w/Michigan State falling in the opening round to 15th seeded Middle Tennesee led by the starting shooting guard on the First Team All-Name Team Giddy Potts.

We saw a team in Syracuse who was basically poopy pants all season and finished TENTH in the ACC get the luck of the draw and not only sneak into the field but, didn’t play a seed lower than 7 until the Elite Eight. That being said, they beat who was in front of them and if they can play like they did in that ridiculous comeback against UVA then perhaps they can give UNC a run for their dicks.

As a former Saint Joseph’s basketball player, my hatred for Villanova is pretty strong. However, I do like Jay Wright and I think this team is (clearly) much different than those higher seeded teams we’ve seen get bounced early in the past. The Wildcats have a matchup with the best player in the country, Buddy Hield, and Oklahoma in what should be a fantastic game. Hield is straight up unguardable as we’ve seen him go for 30+ in his last two games. It’ll be interesting to see what Nova can throw at him to try and contain him a bit but, one might suggest focusing in on Cousins and Woodard and kind of letting Buddy get his. We shall see. Nova is led by 11th year senior Ryan Arcgiahgandoanano who is still putting up good numbers despite being 41 years old.

Pick- Buddy Hield’s dick is too big: Oklahoma by 6

In the other matchup we have a North Carolina team that is playing the best basketball in the country at, obviously, the right time to be doing so. 14 time pre-season ACC player of the year Marcus Paige has finally come out from under his rock and is playing like we’ve all been waiting for him to play for the last 9 years he’s been at UNC.

Analysis: Syracuse sucks. UNC is really good.

Pick: UNC by 12

 

Kyrie Irving Got Put in a Bodybag by PARTYNEXTDOOR

So, things could currently be going better for our boy Kyrie Irving. The ruthlessness of Twitter knows no bounds, especially when it comes to celebrity gossip. Apparently, Kyrie has been dating some R&B singer Kehlani for awhile now. Back on Valentine’s Day she posted this on Instagram:

https://twitter.com/NickTheBullsFan/status/714529569294925825

The picture on the left was posted on Valentine’s Day expressing her love for Kyrie. Fast forward to today and this dude PARTYNEXTDOOR who is one of Drake’s OvO boys posted the other picture of her in bed with him. Savage move by that guy. There’s just no coming back from a guy named PARTYNEXTDOOR putting his penis in your girlfriend. As someone who tends to speak only in capital letters, I can confirm that this dude is most likely awesome at sex. Research proves that. Thoughts and prayers for Kyrie.

103-Year-Old Man Becomes Oldest Person To Ever Record A Hole-In-One

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/golf-devil-ball-golf/103-year-old-man-records-his-eighth-ace–becomes-oldest-with-hole-in-one-012551146-golf.html

They say golf is a game you can play for a lifetime. So long as you’re upright and swinging, that means you have a chance to make an ace, just like 103-year-old Gus Andreone did in Florida on Wednesday.

Andreone, the oldest member of the PGA of America, made the hole-in-one at Palm Aire Country Club in Sarasota, Fla. He used a driver from the green tees on the 113-yard 14th hole at the Lakes Course. 

“I hit it solid and the ball then hit the ground about 30 yards from the green and kept rolling, rolling and rolling,” Andreone said, according to PGA.com. “It fell into the hole, which was cut on the right middle part of the green. Miracles do happen once in a while.” 

Anderone, who now has eight lifetime aces, may well be the oldest man to have ever recorded a hole-in-one. The apparent prior record holder was Elsie McLean, who made a hole-in-one at 102 years old in 2007.  Anderone’s first ace came 75 years ago in 1939. His last one before Wednesday was sometime in the 1990s, on the same course’s 17th hole.

Fucking golf man. Such a crazy sport. Imagine being 103 and doing anything besides pooping your pants and drooling? I can’t. That is the only thing life entails in my mind after you hit the old century mark. Yet here we have Gus Andreone, just doing the damn thing and hitting aces on a golf course. Something a lot of golfers go a lifetime without ever achieving, and this guy is just swinging his wrinkly dick around the golf course driving a 113 yard hole-in-one like it ain’t no thang. And it was the 8th of his life, the first of which came back in 1939. Just think about that for a second. He literally had his first hole-in-one during the Great Depression. Who in the fuck played golf during the Great Depression anyways? This guy has immediately shot up my list of most interesting people on the planet. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he can even swing a golf club without dislocating both shoulders and having his backbone just disintegrate into dust, let alone get a fucking hole-in-one. I think it’s time to start drinking because that’s the only way this story will ever make sense to me. On that note, I’m outta here. Love y’all.

Is Michael Phelps Actually A “Bad Boy”?

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/gold-medalist-michael-phelps-pleads-guilty-dui-165649633–spt.html

BALTIMORE (AP) — Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps avoided jail time on Friday when a judge placed him on probation for pleading guilty to a drunken driving charge for the second time in 10 years. The punishment came with a warning.

“You don’t need a lecture from the court,” Baltimore District Judge Nathan Braverman told Phelps. “If you haven’t gotten the message by now, or forget the message, the only option is jail.”

Probation allows the most decorated Olympian ever to focus on training for the 2016 Games in Rio De Janeiro, which would be his fifth. The 29-year-old came out of a year’s retirement with his sights set on Rio, and the plea is not expected to have any ill effect on those plans.

The swimmer was contrite in court, with his attorney detailing his pursuit of sobriety since his arrest, including 45 days of inpatient treatment in Arizona. A letter from his doctor there was glowing, saying he was forthright and cooperative.

I know this story came out back in September, but again, I wasn’t writing during that time, so here we are. And he just pled guilty to this today in order to avoid jail time, so its a relevant story again. And now this is something that I find myself wondering. And when I say I find myself wondering, I mean the media is definitely going to try to make me wonder. Is Michael Phelps a bad boy? 2 DUI’s under his belt. Smokes weed on the reg. Just doesn’t seem to give a fuck about anything except having a good time. Well let me answer that question for you. No, no he is not a bad boy. Look at his face. He’s got that Andrew Luck kind of face that you look at and just think to yourself “what a dork”, despite what tremendous athletes the both of them are. Guys that are dorks can not be bad boys. That’s like the fourth commandment. The media will for sure try to make it seem like he is though, because we live in absolute pussy land country now. He got his first DUI when he was 19. That basically doesn’t even count. Everyone drives drunk when they’re a teenager. Its kind of like a right of passage. If you didn’t ever do that then you are probably a loser. Smoking weed? Please. That’s already legal in multiple states and give it a few years and it will be legal everywhere. Smoke crack or meth or something if you’re trying to impress me. Now as far as the second DUI goes, probably not the best look. You’re 29 Michael. Clean it up guy. But does that make him a badass? Not by any stretch of the imagination. That makes him a dumbass. Like hey bro, didn’t you win like 58 Olympic Gold Medals in one day? I might have to check my math on that but I think that was it. Anyways, I’m pretty sure that makes you rich, so it’s called get a fucking driver. Shit, I’ll drive you around. Give me a solid $75,000 a year and full access to you’re pussy posse and I am good to go. Where the fuck do I sign. I’ll keep you out of this dumb controversy so you don’t have to talk to the media sounding like an absolute retard about how you look forward to a brighter future. All these rich athletes who get in trouble for DUI’s and this and that will forever remain a mystery to me. YOU GUYS ARE SO FUCKING RICH. You blow the same amount of money on pointless bullshit in about a week that it would take to just hire a driver for a year. Then you literally can go out and drink as much as you want, blow coke off of strippers titties, sip some sizzurp with Lil Weezy, do whatever the fuck you want, and not worry about getting behind a wheel and either getting pulled over or killing someone, or yourself, in the process. It’s the definition of a no brainer. End of rant.