Posts Tagged ‘Food’

oreo

 

Nabisco – 1 Everyone Else – negative infinity. Fucking game changer to the max here. Literally the pinnacle of snacks. Don’t think I’d ever need anything else. Chewy Chips Ahoy and Oreo’s are orgasmic alone. Put them together and you’re bound to have some cream filling of your own all over the inside of your underwear. I have literally nothing else to say about this subject other than I’m going to the nearest Big Y or Stop N Shop or wherever and buying literally every single package of these, then I’m going to start hustling them for twice the street value. Mind of a hustler, always stay on the grind.

 

Baffled. Absolutely dumfounded. How did I not know that this place existed.This commercial is worthy of an Oscar (that’s what they do for commercials, right?). “Loss of sexual partners” “An inability to see your penis” and “Mild death” are laugh out loud funny. Just in case you were still wondering why mostly every other country in the world that isn’t America, hates America, it’s because of shit like this. Weigh more than 350 lbs? Come get our Quadruple Bypass Burger (yes that’s actually a thing, that they have a single, double, triple, and quadruple of) and eat it for free. Every day. Forever. Weigh 350+, you eat for free. They legit have a scale in the middle of the restaurant where, if you think you weight more than that magical number, then you weigh in on the spot. They’re slogan is “taste to die for”. I was talking before about telling things how it is in the Channing Tatum article, and this is the perfect example. Like hey, are you a glutinous fatass who loves food? Come eat our sloppy burgers for free. Heart Attack Grill isn’t gonna lie to you. They just want you to come in and enjoy being fat. What a god damn country. Well played guys, well played.

 

PS – How sick is Vegas. Prostitution is legal, you can either loose all the money you have in a night or become a millionaire, and you can enjoy being fat fuck at the Heart Attack Grill. I need to get to Vegas stat. Score one for the fat guys.

Beer.

Posted: November 26, 2013 by snipe in Deep Think
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Ever heard of it? It’s sick. It’s that thing you put to your lips and immediately become way better than you prior were.

Call me crazy but you’re crazy if you don’t drink beer. Like I like legit do not trust you.

Okay, goodnight.

Okay I lied. Came in from mowing the lawn to see this as a front page story on Yahoo! and had to put this up before work. If you’re wondering if that’s a typo in the headline: no, its not. This dude literally ordered every single fucking sandwich that McDonald’s has to offer. All 43 of them. And then he proceeded to stack one on top of another until he had a 4ft high tower of burgers containing enough calories to feed the entire continent of Africa for a day. If any of you guys were wondering why people hate America, this would be a shining example. Anyways, I don’t know how the fuck this dude could finish all this shit. I’ve had my fair share of gorging at a fast food place when I’m high/drunk as fuck, but I have never come close to spending $141. That’s just absurd. When asked about his experience, Nick Chipman said, “I’ve always dreamed of ordering the McEverything, but I felt like if I went to into McDonald’s and ordered every single sandwich, they would hate me. I’m happy to report that the entire crew at the McDonald’s was more than accommodating. They even seemed a little excited to see just how tall the McEverything turned out to be”. Fucking Nick Chipman. You sir are a sick fuck, and I mean that as the compliment that I usually intend it to be. And to top everything off, he finished his meal with a small Diet Coke. Yea prolly bro. Don’t think it would have made much of a difference if you just went with the Coke product that doesn’t taste like absolute shit.

mcdonalds2 mcdonalds

oreo

 

Hmm. I honestly don’t know what to say anymore. What is wrong with people these days? I’m sorry, but watermelon and Oreos just aren’t meant to be. In the article I read about them they were actually getting good reviews but I don’t honestly care what other people think. Oreos are meant to be split apart, made into a double stuffed, then dipped in milk. That is how God intended them to be eaten when he invented the best cookie around. Buying double stuffed Oreos and making them quadruple stuffed Oreos is the stuff of legends, and beyond acceptable, but other than that, there is no other way an Oreo is supposed to be enjoyed. Not with orange filling, not with green filling, not with white Oreos and chocolate filing, and DEFINITELY not with watermelon filling. These could be the best cookie in the world and I will never try them on principle alone. I’m sorry, but if I want watermelon flavored anything, aside from eating an actual watermelon, I will get watermelon sour patch kids. That’s what they call a no brainer. It seems like every day there’s some new story out that makes me lose more and more faith in America and humanity. I’m ashamed to say it, but Canada is looking pretty good these days. Hell, that one-way trip to Mars is looking like the best bet out there.

Fuck yea. This is why Wendy’s remains my favorite fast food joint. Just always ahead of the curve. Best deals around. Frostees. Square burgers. Fresh, never frozen. Dave built a great franchise from the ground up, and it remains just that today, years after he left this planet. Even though the “pretzel burger” has yet to hit any of the restaurants, it is just about ready to go, and although they have remained very hush-hush on the subject, I suspect it will be here in time for the summer months. The burger will feature two soft-pretzels as buns, and in between the pretzels you will find everything you find a normal burger there – cheese, bacon, etc. etc. I first saw these soft-pretzel buns back at college. Surprisingly one thing that Assumption and Chucks ever did right. They were absolutely delicious and I can’t wait to have a nice Wendy’s bacon cheeseburger surrounded by two of those bad boys. God bless America.

wendys

I have no idea where people come up with this shit.

 

What in the fucking fuck is going on? My entire world has been turned upside down. I’ve been known to drink a beer through my eye every once in a while, but that just a sip. Not a whole fucking beer. Someone find me this girls name because I need to party with her immediately. Just look at the determination. She ain’t letting anyone or anything stop her from rinsing that beer with her ear. This might be the sexiest thing I have ever seen in my life.

Today’s DOOM track is one of my personal favorites. With a dope sample from Cortex’s “Huit Octobre 1971”, he basically just clowns on all the dudes in the rap game today. Right from the beginning, “There’s only one beer left, rappers screaming all in our ears like we’re deaf. Tempt me, do a number on the label. Eat up all they MC’s and drink em under the table, like ‘its on me, put it on my tab kid'”. Pretty much saying all the shit you hear today is just a bunch of idiots yelling at you over some whack ass beat. Also making fun of them for being light weight pussies who get drunk off of one beer. Showing us all a bit of his comedic side, he is still able to maintain his incredible “miracle lyrical capabilities, with the agility to escape a killer be colony” (anyone?). Anyways, here’s “One Beer”. Enjoy.

beerhouse

 

Sometimes you just come across a story that makes you fall back in love with humanity. Look at that thing, its awesome. I would live there in a second, no questions asked. And that’s before I found out what it was actually made from. At first glance, you would think that it was made of stone. Well, you would be wrong. Basically the entire thing is made out of recycled glass. What kind of glass you might ask? None other than beer bottles. Just another example of how beer runs the world people. God gave us beer for many reasons, and now we have another one – build dope ass cribs with the bottles when your done drinking it. It baffles me that we, as humans can take this:

budweiser

and make a fucking house out of it. And not just any house, but the world’s largest building made of recycled glass. Unbelievable honestly. And just how many beer bottles does it take to build a house? Oh somewhere in the neighborhood of 500,000. When I first saw that, I had to wonder where in the fuck they would get that many bottles, because me and my friends drink like absolute assholes and there is no way we would have anywhere near that many even if we kept all the beers we’ve drank in our entire lives. So where do they get the bottles? Just casually hit up all the casinos and hotels on the fucking Vegas Strip and take all the bottles they’ve accumulated. Do you know what that means? Those bottles were undoubtedly full of forgotten memories and terrible/awesome decisions and now all that energy is together in that house. If ghosts exist then that house is definitely going to be haunted as fuck. But in a good way. Like ghosts just throwing absolute rippers all night, doing lines of coke off of strippers tits, fucking midgets, huffing ether and shit. You know, your run of the mill night in Vegas. The definition of a party house. So good job humanity, you can pat yourself on the back for this one.

Never Say No To Panda

Posted: January 29, 2013 by woody in Fun, TV
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My friend showed me these commercials a while back but I never got around to putting them up. Just classic marketing here. A little background information, Panda Cheese is a company based in Egypt and their commercials revolve around a Panda, naturally, who doesn’t take kindly to people not wanting Panda Cheese. The rest is comedic gold. Here are the 7 best commercials to date.

 

Moral of the story. Never say no to Panda. Ever.