Would You Rather have feet where your ears are or dicks where your nipples are?

 

 

Ah, the age old question. One that has been philosophlossersized over by the likes of Plato and Carrot Top for centuries upon days. If you have feet coming out of the side of your head you might get a couple looks from people thinking “uhhh why does that dude have feet where his ears are supposed to be?” Understandably people might be a little thrown off by it at first. But, is there a better ice breaker on this planet than having feet coming out of your head? If you’re at a bar having a couple bowls of loudmouth soup and some little filly comes up to you like “Hey, what’s with the feet bud?” Boom. You’re in. Your size 12’s will be bumpin’ to the beat of the first 2 1/2 minutes of “Too Close” while you disappoint the shit out of that poor girl. If life is about accomplishments than fucking a 6 with feet coming out of the side of your head based on a 7 minute bottle and cork relationship defines a successful life.

Not since the great and tragic life of Xmas Jaxon Flaxon Waxon has a man successfully had sex with more than 4 women while going through life with 7 inch dicks coming out of his chest instead of dime sized nips. The bright side of that fact? It’s not impossible. Xmas proved that and gave hope to all the penis-chested men from here to Middle Earth. The obvious question here is do the penises get boners? Like do I see a hot chick and pop 3 simultaneous hard ons? Will I be forced to walk around looking like I got shot from behind thru the chest and asshole and I have arrows poking out of me? That might be an even better ice breaker now that I think of it. “Uhhh what’s coming out of your chest?” “Oh, these? Those are my other two dicks. Play your cards right and the three-for-one special is in the realm of possibilities.” Boom. Now you’re fucking three chicks at once with your superhuman nipple dicks and your run of the mill regular dick. Absolute next level supergenetically advanced ultra crazy fuck sesh. That’s what they’d call it.

So, the choice is yours, America. Would you rather have feet where your ears are or dicks where your nipples are?