Woody Tales: The Time Woody Had To Do Everything I Told Him To

Posted: December 18, 2014 by snipe in Deep Think
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First of all, sorry for the layoff the last few days. Work has been crazy and I haven’t sat at my computer basically at all. Also, I bought a puppy so technically I have a newborn baby.

Regardless, Woody and I were discussing some of the retarded shit we used to do in college and he asked me to compile a “Top 5 Woody Moments from College” blog. I figured it would better/not 10,000 words in one blog to make a mini series. So, without further ado, chapter one of Woody Tales: The Time Woody Had To Do Everything I Told Him To:

For anyone who is unaware, Woody and I met at Assumption College when I transferred there after my sophomore year at Saint Joseph’s in Philadelphia. Woody lived with my best friend from high school, TJ, so we met like the second day I was there. We immediately bonded due to our common interests of hip-hop, SPORTS, marijuana, and ice cold beers. We developed one of those friendships that quickly turns into two guys busting each other’s balls and being completely comfortable around each other. We’re both the type of dudes that don’t take life too seriously (or seriously at all) so everyday was a different adventure with us.

We drank a lot of beers. That shouldn’t really surprise anyone. When we drank those beers, we would come up with some “interesting” ideas to say the least. So one day, not too long into our junior years, we were having a typical Saturgay rinsefest. Saturgay consisted of waking up and drinking strictly Mike’s Hards or Twisted Teas from Noon to sundown.

On this particular Saturgay, at a time I can’t exactly remember due to the copious amount of alcohol consumed, I told Woody he had to LITERALLY do anything and everything I told him to do. No matter what I said, Woody had to do it.

It started with a bunch of us standing outside of 4men, an apartment complex across from our football field. I told Woody to go walk in front of the old couple that was walking by, get on one knee, and chug his beer in their face. He promptly did exactly that.

As the day progressed, I told Woody to kiss roughly 40 chicks and easily 25 dudes. Every person I pointed to got an aggressive kiss on the lips.

As funny as everything was throughout the day, it wasn’t until about 3:00AM that the funniest shit of it all happened. Some random bitch was visiting me from back home to get a portion of that Snipe dick (nbd). Somehow, me her and Woody ended up being locked out of the room and sitting on the floor in the hallway just bullshitting. While we sat there, I told Woody to stop texting his chick and throw his phone against the wall as hard as he possibly could. Well I’ll be damned. Woody stood up, crow hopped, and threw an absolute missile at the wall. Shattered his phone into about 1 trillion pieces and proceeded to just die laughing with me. Classic Woody.

A man of his word. Not much else can describe this opening chapter of Woody Tales. How many people you know would literally do anything you told them to for an entire day?

Stay tuned for Chapter Two: Woody’s 21st birthday. You won’t want to miss that one.

Love, Snipe


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