This Ghanian Witch Doctor That Claims He Is Responsible For Ronaldo’s Knee Injury Legit Scares Me

Posted: June 5, 2014 by woody in Actual News, Soccer, Sports
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

witchdoctor

 

See this guy? DO NOT FUCK WITH HIM. His name is Nana Kwaku Bonsam, who’s name literally translates to “Devil of Wednesday” (news of Ronaldo’s injury surfaced yesterday….be afriad). He is taking full responsibility for Ronaldo’s knee injury, which he predicted would happen back in February. He has been quoted saying, “I know what Cristiano Ronaldo’s injury is about, I’m working on him. This injury can never be cured by any medic, they can never see what is causing the injury because it is spiritual. Today, it is his knee, tomorrow it is his thigh, next day it is something else. I am very serious about it. Last week, I went around looking for four dogs and I got them to be used in manufacturing a special spirit called Kahwiri Kapam. I will work on Cristiano Ronaldo seriously and rule him out of the World up or at least prevent him from playing against Ghana”. Well THAT SHOULD JUST ABOUT TO IT FOLKS. The “Devil of Wednesday” is no fucking joke. Last week he went around looking for four dogs and got them to be used in manufacturing a special spirit??? What fucking dogs do you look for to do such a thing. This spell, which he claims to have conjured with a special powder from his gods, mixed with several leaves and concoctions which have been placed around an image and caricature of Ronaldo, is apparently going to keep Ronaldo out of the World Cup. Normally I would call absolute bullshit on something like this, but I’m not trying to get cursed, and seeing as the US is in the “Group of Death” – ironic name for our group given the current situation – having Ronaldo not play only helps our chance of advancing, so I’m just gonna give it to Nana. Keep doing your thing bro, please don’t curse me anytime soon.

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