First of all, thank fucking GOD the draft is finally here today. I feel like it’s been 7 straight months of non-stop babbling back and forth between McShay and Kiper about all these bullshit scenarios and blah blah blah. Just get this god damn thing started. The bright side is that this is definitely a deep draft with a ton of potential story lines. Manziel, Clowney, Bortles, Bridgewater, Texans moving down, Cowboys moving up, Etc, Etc.
I have one wish and one wish only and that’s Jonathan Football being selected first overall. Since day one I have said that this kid has not only the talent but just the right amount of dickhead/confidence in himself to be a great pro. He simply wins fucking games. He figures it out. He improvises. He throws bombs. He quintuple teams supermodels. He parties with Drake. He sits court side courtesy of Bron Bron. He’s everywhere all at once. He’s instant ticket sales. Instant millions in marketing. Like, hey Texans, you guys fucking suck. You have no quarterback. Your fans hate you. Guess how you can change all that? Not drafting another fucking DE. Get Johnny Pigskin out there and he’ll lead you to the promised land. Get out of my face with all that other bullshit. Kid ran train on SEC defenses. Not the fucking AAC like Bridgewater and Bortles.
Cue the music: