Guess What Angelina Jolie Bought Brad Bitt For His Big 5-0…

Posted: November 26, 2013 by woody in Actual News
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Don’t you just love hearing stories about rich celebrities buying absurd things for themselves and their loved ones? Me too. And by me too, I mean I fucking hate it because all it makes me think is “fuck my life right in the fucking face”. Well, this one might top all of them. So lets see, Brad and Angelina, probably one of the biggest power couples in the history of power couples. So what could she buy her love that he didn’t already have for his 50th birthday? A sports car? Nah. A boat? Nope. A new house? Fuck that noise. How about I buy him a $20 million heart-shaped island. Because THAT’S a normal gift to buy someone.

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Fucking rich people man. Never gets old.

 

Sidenote – How fucking awesome is it to buy you’re own island? Like that’s gotta be the best move of all time right? Apparently you can purchase some private islands in the Caribbean for like a cool mil. That’s not even that much money when you think about it. To own your own fucking island? Don’t have to answer to anyone? Throw absolute bangers of parties and not have to worry about bothering anyone else because your literally the only house on the island. Charge people admission. Grow most of your own food. Grow weed. After I have $10,000 in my bank account and I enter the World Series of Poker and change that 10 grand into a couple mil, I am peacing the fuck out of America because it’s going down the shitter and I’m buying my own island. All smokes are welcome and anyone who passes a rigorous interview and set of tests, made up by yours truly, I will consider allowing live on said island with me, enjoying the rest of our days on the beach, feet up, smoking a joint, drinking margaritas, with some pretty little chica in our laps. Amen and god bless.

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