Liquid Lapdance For The Undeniable Win

Posted: November 19, 2013 by woody in Fun

Talk about a power invention. The liquid lapdance is basically everything you would imagine it would be, and people are calling it “the best strip club invention since the pole”, which is as good of a description as you’re gonna get. If that doesn’t make you want to buy this product, then I don’t know what would. So what exactly is it? I’m glad you asked. It’s the world’s first underpant designed specifically for lap dances. Basically, it is made of certain materials and designed in a certain way that makes a lap dance feel like some kinky ass KY jelly freak sex show. Here’s a little excerpt from the inventors of this revolutionary product.

Liquid Lapdance is worn by men, underneath the clothing. Each pair has a soft, latex extension in front to caress and stimulate the male anatomy. Add a squirt of lube, and you’re ready for the best lap dance of your life.

Benefits:

1. They moisturize and lubricate your penis. A moisturized penis is more sensitive than a dry penis. As the dancer glides her body over yours, you will feel her much more intensely. One reviewer described it as the difference between standard and high definition.

2. They provide you with the space to get fully-erect. Most underwear is not designed to be worn when you’re rock hard. Ours is. Expand in comfort.

3. They take the pain out of lap dances. Dry lap dances can be quite painful. Many guys avoid lap dances for this reason. Liquid Lapdance takes the pain out of lap dances. We’ve tested them with big butts, bony butts and even granny butts! No pain, our testers still made it rain! LL is designed for the grind!

4. They contain your semen. When a guy has an orgasm during a lap dance, it can be quite awkward if he’s not wearing Liquid Lapdance. A wet stain typically forms on the guy’s crotch, and semen may get on the dancer, where it is often unwelcome. With Liquid Lapdance, you can relax and fully-enjoy the orgasm without worrying about minimizing or containing ejaculation as you might in regular underwear.

That’s just some first class research and reporting right there. “We’ve tested them with big butts, bony butts, and even granny butts. No pain, our testers still made it rain” is probably the greatest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Even more hilarious, here’s some testimonials from actual people that have tested out Liquid Lapdance: “Imagine a pair of oiled titties bouncing up and down your cock”, “I wouldn’t say it felt like sex.  More like a blow job, a hand job, whacking off, anal sex, and titty-fucking all in one”, “I literally sat home because I didn’t have any Liqs. I don’t even want to go to the strip club without them anymore”. BAHAHAHAHAHA. I swear on my sack that these are real product reviews and this is a real product. If none of these tickle your fancy, feel free to head on over to their website http://www.liquidlapdance.com/ and check out their promotional video. You can order them right from there. I’ve never been to a strip club because I’ve been a fan of talking to a real life girl, sparking general conversation, making her laugh, having her fall for me, then hooking up with her, all without having to pay a dime. But I’m not going to lie, with the reviews this thing has gotten I kind of want to purchase a pair of “Liqs” and go test them out at a strip club. I used to think yoga pants were the #1 invention of all time, bar none, but we’ll have to see where Liquid Lapdance stacks up. Anyone got $19.95 they’re willing to throw my way? Or fuck it, lets just get a bunch of dudes and $99 and get the bachelor party pack. Look out strippers, we’re cumming for you (pun not intended, but intended).

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s