Some City In Louisiana Makes Twerking Illegal

Posted: September 18, 2013 by woody in Actual News, Fun
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Today must be my lucky day. This is probably one of the funniest articles I’ve ever read in my life. I guess twerking has become “a problem” in the small town of DeQuincy, Louisiana. Such a problem in this town of 3,398 people that city officials have made it illegal. Maynard Wilkens, the mayor of DeQuincy spoke to CNN about the ban, “Twerking is a defiant Twerking is a defiant act against Jesus and his teachings. The rest of the country can keep their heads in the sand about this sexual act before marriage, but not the great city of DeQuincy. We will still allow dancing in DeQuincy, just no jigglin’, shakin’ and ‘dry humping’ anywhere in our city limits”. Thanks for those words of wisdom mayor. Bobby Joe Williams, the sheriff in town, had this to say about the penalties for those caught twerking, “First time offenders will receive a mandatory 30 days in the county jail. After that it will be a much harsher punishment. We are not taking this matter lightly. There ain’t gonna be no twerkin’ in my city, not no more”. PAH! Well, let me tell you, young residents of the town were not to thrilled with this new ban on twerking. One resident, 24-year-old Brandon Adams, told reporters, “There is nothing to do in this town, seriously. Twerking is all us kids had left and now they’re taking it away from us. I don’t see what the big deal is. At least we weren’t out causing trouble, sniffing glue and breaking stuff. I guess we’ll now have to go back to doing that”. And that’s where I spit out my coffee and I’m not even drinking anything. First of all, I’m from the town of Kent, CT. Not 100% positive on the current population but if I had to guess I’d say its somewhere around 48. Talk about nothing to do. Come to Kent there Brandon and let me know what you think about “nothing to do”. Second of all, you’re a dude. Last time I checked, dude’s shouldn’t be twerking. Maybe I’m not up on the times anymore. Lastly, like hey bro, twerking is all you had left? Is that some kind of sick and twisted joke. I’m pretty sure you can think of at least one other thing to do in life other than twerk that doesn’t include causing trouble, sniffing glue, and breaking stuff. You could, for instance, go on a jog, eat ice cream, read a book, go to the movies, go on a bike ride, drink, smoke weed on your couch and watch cartoons, solve a rubix cube, take up an instrument, write a short story…..I could go on all day. If twerking is all I had left in life I would chose death 100 times out of 100. Wake the fuck up and smell the roses Brandon.




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