Just when I thought I had heard it all. Meet Janice Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele, better known as “Loke” to her friends. First of all, no. Just no. I don’t care that you married some Hawaiian dude who is no longer alive and you want to keep his name in his honor. That’s not a name. Its just a bunch of vowels and K’s and H’s with a couple L’s and N’s sprinkled in there. Only reason I even know about this story is because she went to the media after she got in trouble when she got pulled over and the police officer looked at her like she had six heads when she handed him her license. For years she has carried two forms of identification: her driving license, which only has room for 34 characters, and her official Hawaii state ID card which in the past had room for all 35 letters. If you can’t get your name across with 34 characters, then what are we even doing? Honestly. Worst part about all of this is that since she went to the media with this, “Loke” has persuaded the Pacific island US state’s authorities to change their official ID card format. So now we’re just letting people do whatever they want, huh. Oh, hey, I want to change my last name to Hauoenilikeounahonoluhkiennahullokoko because I saw Johnny Tsunami one time and Hawaiians seem like cool people. Fuck you Janice, and fuck whoever allowed this woman to have that last name.