It was fucking hilarious. Just an all-star cast of roasters to talk shit about one of the hottest names in Hollywood today, who also happens to be one of my favorite actors. The thing that made this roast extra special was that instead of roasting a respectable actor on the the tail end of his career, or some C-list actor and having a bunch of roasters no one cares about, the roast cast included big name comedians such as Bill Hader, Aziz Ansari, Jonah Hill, Sarah Silverman, Andy Samberg, and roastmaster Seth Rogen, and they were all shitting on an A-list actor in the peak of his popularity. It made for quite an interesting show. Also present in the roast cast was veteran roaster Jeff Ross, a lesser known but still very funny comedian in Nick Kroll, and Natasha Leggero, who I’ve never heard of personally but apparently has been in a bunch of shit. Everyone did a terrific job, as it was probably the best roast I have to seen to date, but some were, naturally, better than others. I was pretty drunk by the time the roast started, so take these rankings with a grain of salt because my memory might be a little foggy.
8th: Natasha Leggero – can’t really remember much of what she said, so that means she probably wasn’t that funny. I remember she did have a dig or two that I chuckled at, but the fact that I can’t remember what they were doesn’t say much for her.
7th: Sarah Silverman – Sarah would have been higher on this list because she was pretty fucking hilarious, especially when she was talking about all the Mexican dick Natasha takes and cum she guzzles, but she was reading off of cards. That’s elementary school bullshit Sarah, you’re better than that.
6th: Nick Kroll – “The League” is a terrific show and Nick does a great job on it. I haven’t really gotten into the “Kroll Show” yet but I heard he does well with that too. He did a good job a the roast, just suffered from the fact that he was surrounded by so many absolutely hilarious people. No shame finishing 6th in this race.
5th: Jeff Ross – I love Jeff Ross. I don’t know why, but I just find him hilarious. He literally does nothing ever except roast people more famous than him. I think he actually does live in that roast building. Plus he was rocking the cornrow. How can you hate on that. He has absolutely no regard for anyone or anything when he makes fun of people. And for proof of that, just re-watch is segment and listen for the Trayvon Martin/ George Zimmerman joke. Talk about not giving a fuck. Jesus.
4th: Jonah Hill – Jonah was pretty fucking hilarious. He would have been higher up but he made one crucial mistake, over and over again. After ripping people apart, he finished it by saying that (insert roaster’s name) was awesome. Literally every time. Hey Jonah, we know you’re all friends. It’s a roast, there’s nothing to apologize for or justify.
3rd: Aziz Ansari – I absolutely love Aziz. I think he is one of the funniest dude’s out today. His stand up is absolutely priceless, and his work on “Parks & Rec” speaks for itself. I was expecting him to take the cake when I first saw the cast. Still, his joke about how if you shower and read a book then you automatically are gay and dicks start flying in your face was fucking priceless. Spot on Aziz, spot on.
2nd: Bill Hader – Bill shot up the ladder by doing his roast in character as “The President of Hollywood”. He has made a name for himself with his characters on SNL over the years, and managed to outdo himself yet again. He was fucking cracking me up. Decked out in a red track suit. Saying that he thought James Franco’s brother “Dave” was a made up name, asking Jeff Ross if they had met before, even ripping on himself by saying you cast Bill Hader in a movie if you “need a best friend’s best friend to ask an exposition question” before disappearing for the rest of the movie. Absolutely classic.
1st: Andy Samberg – If you watched the roast at all last night then you have to agree with me on this one. He absolutely murdered the roast. He took a different approach to the roast and basically made fun of himself while “attempting” to make fun of the others. From asking if there’s a barista in the room because this roast just got “dark” to talking about Boston Market and Kenny Rodgers chickens, to roasting God. He had my laughing from start to finish, and as he wisely pointed out towards the end of his segment, “expect letters Comedy Central. If you didn’t want controversy, you shouldn’t have invited the King”. Boom. Roasted.
All in all it was definitely the best roast I have ever seen. Seth Rogen did a terrific job hosting, and was spot on with his jokes all night. Everyone’s jokes about James Franco not being able to keep his eyes open ever were fucking hilarious because they would just cut to James Franco and he would have that shit eating grin on his face with eyes so squinty you could blindfold him with dental floss. If you somehow managed to miss this, I strongly suggest you go back and watch. Definitely worth it.