Houston Is Being Invaded By…Giant African Snails?

Posted: May 9, 2013 by woody in Actual News
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

 

Well, I don’t know what to tell you guys anymore. This has got to be a sign from God that we’re all doomed right? We got giant fucking snails that somehow crawled all the way from Africa to the Southern US, which seems odd seeing as there’s this thing called the Atlantic Ocean inbetween us and Africa. Houston isn’t even the first place these fuckers have been found either. They’re have been reports surfacing of them in Florida over the past few weeks too. I guess these snails are a danger to humans too. Not only are they the most damaging snails in the world because they consume at least 500 different types of plants and can cause structural damage to plaster and stucco, but they also carry a strain of life-threatening Meningitis. Oh yea, and they “fuck like rabbits” according to whoever that chick was in the video. So they reproduce like a motherfucker and are taking over the South, plotting our demise. And here I was thinking I was going to move down to the South. Now I don’t know what to think.

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