Moolta, Show Yourself.

Posted: February 26, 2013 by snipe in Fun

1000-ways-to-die

Hey, Moolta, do you like our site or something? Jesus Christ bro. I haven’t been this scared since the first time I saw a vagina. I’ve been getting notifications every 2 seconds of this nutjob liking blogs I wrote 3 months ago. This is like when you meet a girl and start texting and she stops responding so you send her 42 straight messages and 3 pictures of your boner/abs and never hear from her again. Straight up serial murderer behavior and I’m downright terrified. Like, yeah I like the support but I literally pissed out apple sauce and I was drinking Molson XXX when I saw all of these “likes.” I fully expect to wake up in a skeevy motel bathtub missing my organs tomorrow morning. 100% will be the victim of a murder/suicide in the next 48 hours and I’m not even mad. You know why? Because this means you’ve made it. Once you have a stalker you are famous. It’s in the Geneva Convention.

So, considering I’m about to die. Thank you, Moolta. You are my Shawshank Redemption. My Mona Lisa. That one achievement in life that proved to not only myself, but to the entire world that I, el sniper del mondo, am a somebody.

P.S. How is he gonna kill me? I always wondered how I’d die if some psycho decided he wanted to wear my skin as a dress. Maybe it’ll be like a cool vacation that ends with me dying. Time will tell I guess.

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