CC Sabathia Addicted To….Cap’n Crunch?

Posted: February 14, 2013 by woody in Food, MLB, Sports
Tags: , , , , , , , ,


Everyone has their vices. For instance, I’m pretty much a full blown alcoholic at this point who counteracts the shitty mornings with enough weed to kill an elephant. Charlie Sheen likes putting an unbelievable amount of things up his nose and fucking away his problems with pornstars. MJ likes to gamble more money than both my parents make in a year combined, times 2, on a round of golf. Multiple times a week. And then you got a guy like CC Sabathia. But he is the oddest vice I’ve ever heard of. Apparently he just houses Cap’n Crunch like no one’s business. I’m talking eating it by the box. Multiple times a day. Only about 30 times the recommended serving size, no biggie. So when he showed up for spring training this year 10 pounds lighter than he was at the end of last year, he had one answer for what he did, “No Cap’n Crunch. Same thing I did last offseason”. Oh ok bro, I’m sure your offseason workout plan was just not giving in to the Cap’n. Didn’t lift weights or run or anything. Just stopped eating boxes of cereal at a time. Last time he had a weight problem, back in the 2010 season, when he spent the majority of the season over 300 lbs, he cut the Cap’n from his diet in the offseason and dropped 25 lbs before the 2011 season. Like hey CC, it’s called a treadmill. And moderation. How about instead of eating an entire box of it at a time, you just eat a bowl like a normal human being you sick fuck. Then go for a jog around the neighborhood or something. Unbelievable that cereal can be that big of a problem for a professional athlete. Figure it out man.

PS – With the ungodly amounts of Cap’n Crunch this guy eats, I just have one question. How do you still have a functioning mouth? I can’t eat a spoonful of the Cap’n without slicing the top of my mouth up. Easily the most painful cereal of all time to eat. But it’s just so damn good.

PPS – What a loser for eating plain Cap’n Crunch. Everyone knows its all about the Crunch Berries.


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