Samuel Dalembert set an NBA record last night and I’ve never been more confused in my entire life.

Posted: February 6, 2013 by snipe in Sports
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Sacramento Kings v Phoenix Suns

Bleacher Report: There might not be a greater point of emphasis in today’s NBA statistics than efficiency. But even the stat-obsessed world of basketball had never seen a performance quite like what Milwaukee Bucks big man Samuel Dalembert put forth on Tuesday night. While his team wound up on the losing end of a 112-104 contest with the Denver Nuggets, Dalembert put on a performance for the record books. Via ESPN NBA scribe Chris Palmer: Samuel Dalembert is the 1st player in NBA history to get 35 pts & 12 rebs in 27 min or less.

I’m not gonna sit here and act like I don’t say some things that are somewhat, questionable? Perhaps I hyperbolize from time to time. Maybe I’ve made it a point to exaggerate in hopes of getting my point across sometimes. Maybe.

But I can say without any shadow of a doubt that when I read Samuel Dalembert’s stat line last night I literally shit my pants. Now, I was previously unaware that something could confuse/surprise me to the point of ruining my pajamas but I honestly didn’t mind. I was so perplexed that I wasn’t even phased by the doodie spill. I sat there basking in my dump trunks staring at my phone screen trying to figure out what the fuck I was reading.

I have so many questions I literally don’t even know where to begin. The NBA has to take some sort of action here right? The Denver Nuggets need to penalized in some fashion. That probably goes without saying. But to what extent will they be punished? Will their big men get fined $100,000 each? Will the entire coaching staff get fired/murder/suicided? I think the only logical and reasonable step for the NBA to take is to demote the entire Denver Nuggets organization to the D-League in exchange for the Maine Red Claws. The old switcharoo. Anything less and the NBA will lose all of its credibility moving forward. Teams will start thinking it’s okay for guys that no one knew still played basketball to set records and the whole world will spin into oblivion and then we’re all fucked. I trust that the proper measures will be taken in order to properly deal with this.

Fun Fact: During me and Woody’s junior year we both fantasy drafted a squad and played a season in 2k12. Dalembert was my starting center which further proves that I am best.

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