Kai The Hatchet Wielding Hitchiker

Posted: February 5, 2013 by woody in Fun
Tags: , , , , , , ,


I’ve been hearing from a bunch of my friends about this story so I figured I should speak on it. This guy Kai is an absolute riot. I need to smoke a bowl with this bro and just chill hard all day catching some tubular waves. Quick back story in case you have trouble paying attention for a 5 minutes long video, this guy Kai was hitchhiking and some fucking whack job picks him up and starts talking about how he’s Jesus Christ and he can do whatever he wants and how he’s raped a 14 year old and all this shit. Then the guy just slams on the gas and rams into some unsuspecting citizen on the side of the road, pinning him up against his truck. He then proceeds to try to grab and hurt these two chicks who were trying to help the dude who just got nailed by a car, so this dude Kai just hops out of the car and merks the psycho with his hatchet like it ain’t no thang. But anyways, on to the video.

I love how he starts the interview out with a message for us all, “no matter what you done, you deserve respect. Even if you make mistakes, your lovable. And it doesn’t matter your looks skill or age or size or anything, you’re worth while. No one can ever take that away from you”. I have no idea what exactly he’s talking about but that it sure was nice to hear, and he seemed pretty damn sincere about it. Then he just goes for it. This guy has absolutely NO CLUE what planet he’s on. He’s probably has more drugs on him than Raoul Duke at a Grateful Dead concert. When he’s talking about how he hit the guy with the hatchet, “smash, smash, SA’MASH!!!”. Terrific sound effects, I’m sure it sounded just like that. And when asked about the woman who claims that he saved her life, “she was the one that got grabbed by that fucker. You know what, fuck is cool. That guy ain’t. shiiit”. He’s so right. Fuck is cool, in fact it’s awesome. Why is there such a negative connotation with the most diverse word in the English language? But by far the best part of the entire interview is when the news reporter starts asking him about who he is:


News reporter: “Can I get your name? And where your from, if you don’t mind”

Kai: “I’m Kai. Straight out of Dogtown, K-A-I”

News reporter: “Do you have a last name?”

Kai: [laughing] “No bro, I don’t have anything”. — Pahhhhhhh. What an answer!!!

News reporter: “Where are you from originally? Are you from the Fresno Area?”

Kai: “Sophia, West Virginia” — the “I’m tripping balls/too high to know which ways up” face he makes is unreal.

News reporter: “No kidding. How old are you?”

Kai: [shrugs] “I can’t call it” — WHAT!? You can’t call it? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! This guy is a genius.


Apparently this isn’t even the first time he’s just fucked some dude’s day up in attempts to save someone. He’s just your everyday stoner/hippie super hero. In all honesty this is one of the crazier stories I’ve heard recently and I actually think the worlds needs more people like Kai. Despite how out of touch with reality he is due to an apparent heavy use of drugs, the kid just wants to do the right thing, and I respect the fuck out of that.

P.S. – The weirdest part about this whole shindig is how this psychopath took multiple whacks to the head from a hatchet, then proceeds to stand up, walk into the street, and start jerking off in front of everyone. How is that not a bigger part of this story.

P.P.S. – The way he pronounces “police” is pure gold. Smoke another one dude.

  1. Tim Shey says:

    I wasn’t able to watch the video because the audio on my computer doesn’t work. Sounds like one of the crazier hitchhiking stories I have ever heard.

    Here are a few links you may want to look at:

    “Few Thumbs Barred From Rides”

    “A Christian Cult”

    “The Only Time Someone Pulled a Knife on Me”

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