Deep Think: Inside the mind of the sniper.

Posted: February 4, 2013 by snipe in Deep Think
Tags: , , , , , , ,


There comes a time during the day when I start to think deeply. This is called Deep Think. Simply put, I fucking think. Hard. Brain boners. Just crushing thoughts for like 5-11 minutes like it’s nobody’s business. Last week this chick at work fell out of her chair cuz I was thinking so fucking hard that it made her lose consciousness. Every time I enter deep think the Dead Sea Scrolls come to life and Earth’s axis is adjusted by .3 degrees West. According to recent NASA research, my Deep Think is fucking awesome and is the leading candidate in the Colombian presidential election.

One of the greatest components of my Think is that it answers life’s most challenging and revolutionary questions. Like, why does Bomani Jones only eat sandwiches on Honey Oat bread? Or, how many times has Darko Milicic kissed a man? Six. If it wasn’t for my Think, questions like these and so many others would never be answered and the world would explode.

Today’s Think is more about you than anything else really. And by you I mean you, the person. You’re probably thinking, I know me. Because you are you. But how well do you know you. Like if you had two yous and you met the other you would you like you? Would you chill with you? Have a beer with you? Have sex with you? Is that gay? Wouldn’t I be gay if I didn’t see me and want to fuck it? If I saw me walking down the street I’d go ham on myself. Like “holy shit look at me!” I’m sexy as fuck!” If you think anything else than you’re admitting you’re ugly and you suck.

Which leads me to my next Think: what if we were all swimming instead of walking? Like you know how fish swim in the water? What if that was us? Swimming to work. Taking the dog for a swim around the block. Now think about it. Everything on the Earth would be the same. In the same place. All that shit. We’d do all the same shit. Just underwater. Why isn’t this real life? I don’t get it. Swimming is the best. Magine how much better the world would be. No cars and all that shit ruining the world and killing everyone or whatever. Just a bunch of people swimming around doing their thing. No traffic. Old fucks could just swim slower and we could go around them. Duh.

Is there any doubt that I’d be the dopest fucking waterhuman that ever swam? No. There is not. I need to have sex in a water world  and I need it to happen immediately. Seems like the most awesome thing ever. Just plowing some broad while swimming in your bedroom. Ultimate double threat action. Gotta be an incredible workout.

Remember everyone, moisture is the essence of wetness…and wetness is the essence of beauty.


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