College freshmen are soft now and it pisses me off.

Posted: January 30, 2013 by snipe in Fun




YahooAccording to the “2012 Freshman Norms report,” conducted by UCLA’s Cooperative Institutional Research Program (CIRP) each year since 1966, only 33 percent of college freshman reported drinking beer in 2012, down from 35.4 percent in 2011 and far lower than the 73.7 percent who were knocking back drinks in 1982, when many of their own parents were in college. 

“While we recognize there is more work to be done to eliminate underage drinking, today we have a record number of college freshmen who are making the right choices about drinking,” Joe McClain, president of the Beer Institute, said in a statement. “We are encouraged by this reduction, and America’s brewers and beer importers will continue to build upon this success through programs that will further reduce the harmful use of alcohol.”


What the fuck did I just read? How is it possible that only 33% of college freshmen had a beer last year? I’m not alone on this right? This is the most confused I have ever been in my life. I’m not trying to sound like the fucking man or anything but by the time I was 16 me and my buddies were rinsing beers every weekend making nonconsensual love to mostly only chicks. By the time I was a freshman in college it was universally accepted that you either drank 4-5 nights a week or you were a complete fucking nerd. If I was sitting in a classroom and looked to my left and then to my right and NEITHER of those people had a beer before I’d murder/suicide all 3 of us.

My next and probably more important point/question is, why don’t more people call other people nerds? When I was growing up it was an absolute tragedy if you got called a nerd. That shit would ruin any 2nd grader’s day in heartbeat. All this new age lingo has really made people lose sight of the words that truly hurt another person’s feelings.

Oh, I’m a douchebag? I’m actually not a device that cleans dirty vaginas but, I’d sure as fuck rather be that than a fucking NERD who plays hide and go seek with his imaginary friend and jerks off into his teddy bear’s ass. Douchebags get so much pussy. That’s literally all they get. The more I think about it I think I’d rather be a douchebag than myself. Only if I was some dimepiece’s douche though. Just rinsin’ some hot puss all day. Gettin’ it nice and clean and ready to attack the day. But not some ugly broad’s crusty puss douche. Woof.

If you wouldn’t trade lives with Lord Douchebag right this second you’re a fucking idiot. Douchebag power moves for the win!




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