101 Year Old Marathon Runner

Posted: January 27, 2013 by woody in Sports
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I came across this story earlier today and had to do a double take just as I’m sure you did when you saw this headline. Like what? Apparently this guy Fauja Singh, better known in the running world as “The Turbaned Tornado”, which is easily the best nickname I’ve ever heard, already holds the world record for being the oldest person to complete a marathon, and on February 24 in Hong Kong, he plans on breaking his own record at the tender age of 101. Hey bro, your 101. You were born in 1911. I’m winded after walking up the flight of stairs in my house, I couldn’t imagine running a marathon. And I’m fucking 22. Magine growing up in the roaring twenties? I can’t even begin to wrap my head around that. We, as a civilization, had barely discovered flight when this dude was sucking on his momma’s titty. Just to reiterate how old this guy is, here’s a list of some inventions that came about during his lifetime: Fortune cookies, hamburger bun, toaster, cheeseburger (somehow there is a 10 year difference between the invention of the hamburger bun and the invention of the cheeseburger. Seriously nobody in 10 years thought to put cheese on it?) sunglasses, chocolate chip cookie, beach ball, leaf blower, wiffle ball, buffalo wings, calculator… I could go on forever. Bottom line, my man is old. The craziest part about it is that this guy had never run a race before he turned 89. What 89 year old just up and decides, “hey, I’m gonna start training to become a marathon runner”. Shouldn’t you be playing backgammon and yelling at “darned kids” to get off your porch. After he completes the race in Hong Kong, he plans on “retiring”. Uhhh, you think? YOUR FUCKING 101. Although he will stop running in marathons, he plans on continuing to run “at least four hours a day” for the rest of his life, which is probably going to be all of 48 seconds. Then again, if he’s just casually running marathons, this guy could live to be 200 years old. So here’s to you, Turbaned Tornado. If your out there reading this, which I doubt because you were like 82 when the internet became relevant, but if by slim chance you are out there, I would very much like to sit down and drink a fucking beer with you so you can grace me with some of the extensive knowledge you have undoubtedly gained since you were a little tike.

Side note: guy’s got a fresh fucking beard. Fresh to death.

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