the lakers suck.

Posted: January 22, 2013 by snipe in Sports


Kobe Bryant. Dwight Howard. Steve Nash. Pau Gasol.

Let those 4 names resonate all up in your brain for a couple minutes. I did the math, surprisingly, and that’s 32 all-star appearances. That’s arguably 4 guys who are top 5 players at their position. Unarguable in terms of Kobe, Dwight, and Pau because they are clearly top 5 players at their positions. Nash is aging and clearly his best years are behind him but the fact is that the guy is a 2-time MVP of the league and is still averaging 11 and 9 which should be good enough considering this supporting cast. But it isn’t. This team is an absolute fucking disaster. A dumpster fire. An incurable disease that was hellbound from day one.

Let me start by saying what I have always said. Kobe Bryant is a winner. He knows how to win. He refuses to lose. When he does lose, he lets you know about it. If I were to make a checklist of who to blame for the Laker’s woes this season, he’d probably be last on that list. He is playing at a ridiculously high level for his age and I’m not sure what else he can do to be honest. So, that’s out of the question.

First things first. I said it once, I’ll say it a billion more times: Dwight Howard is the worst human being on planet earth. He is a walking cancer cell that infects every environment he enters with an incurable plague. So, I put a hell of a lot of blame on Mr. Buss and Co. who made it their goal to sign this piece of shit. I understand why people thought LeBron and “the decision” was a bullshit thing to do. I agree with that. I also believe that the biggest dickhead sports corporation in the world is more responsible for that idea than anyone else, but that’s besides the point. My point is that Dwight Howard IS what everyone wanted to think LeBron James is. He is an immature, soft, whining, selfish, prima donna who pouts and bitches when he doesn’t get the ball and ruins the chemistry of every team he is on and gets GREAT coaches like Stan Van fired for no fucking reason. I said THE DAY they signed this fraud that the Lakers were doomed and would miss the playoffs and everyone called me crazy. One of my buddies told me the Lakers would lose 12 games at worst. At worst! The fact of the matter is that this guy a player that is impossible to win with and I think he will walk after this season so the Lakers need to trade him right this second if they want to succeed. Not Gasol. Howard.

The second way Mr Buss and Co. injected the city of Los Angeles with the incurable plague is how they handled the situation with Mike Brown. A defensive genius who has proven that he can win in this league, they gave him FIVE FUCKING GAMES! I honestly and truly believe that Mike Brown should be able to legally sue the Lakers organization for every dime they’re worth for this kind of bullshit. An entirely new lineup. A Dwight Howard who is not only recovering from back surgery, but also trying to adjust to no longer being the first option (which is impossible for him to do because he’s a dickbag) and you give the guy five games!? But yeah, go ahead and hire Mr Run and Gun to coach a team full of 35 olds and see how that works out. 17-24? Atta boy, Mr. Buss.

Why the fuck does ESPN talk about the Lakers so much? Part of me understands it because they are the Lakers and their roster and blah blah blah. But like HELLO? They suck. They aren’t getting any better. They are the New York Jets of the NBA this season. A shitty team run by a bunch of retards that is the forefront of the media while teams like Golden State are 25-15 and their coach use to WORK FOR ESPN. But, that’s not as important as the 12th place Lakeshow.

So, the facts are the facts. The Lakers are a fucking joke. Pau Gasol getting benched for Earl Clark? Hahahahaha. It’s literally the most preposterous organization and I couldn’t be happier because I firmly believe that Dwight Howard deserves nothing good to come of his life.

Prediction: Pau Gasol gets traded for a bag of balls and the Lakers finish the year 35-46 and miss the playoffs and D’Antoni gets fired and Dwight Howard signs with Brooklyn and we’re right back where we started.

But don’t worry, ESPN will be sure to keep everyone up to date on this terrible team’s everyday status. I’m sure with enough searching you can find out what type of moves other teams are making.



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