What A Pile Of Horse Shit

Posted: January 11, 2013 by woody in Fun

This is an outrage. I can honestly say that I have never been more upset about anything in my entire life than I am about the news that I just read. Apparently, those fucking inbreds at Hasboro think it’s okay to just replace one of the classic pieces you choose to be in Monopoly. Let us not mince words, Monopoly is hands down the greatest board game of all time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of Risk and Scrabble and Sorry and Life and Clue, the list goes on forever. But there is no competition when it comes to Monopoly. The most American game ever, just buy and sell property and make fucking bank until you own everything and bankrupt everyone else playing. And it takes a minimum of 2 1/2 hours to play, which means you better bring your A game, and everyone knows it. There’s no such thing as a half ass game of Monopoly. It simply doesn’t exist. So the fact that Hasboro has the balls to just up and change one of the pieces its utter hogwash. Isn’t this in direct violation of the 15th Amendment of the Constitution, which if I’m not mistaken reads, “Let it be known that the original pieces on Monopoly are never to be changed, no matter how fucking gay Hasboro becomes, no matter how many dicks they fill they’re orifice’s with. Don’t fuck around with someone’s childhood memories. Read a fucking atlas bro”….or something along those lines. For those of you who didn’t really play Monopoly, first of all I would like to pass on my deepest remorse for you because you probably suck, these were the original game pieces:

original monopoly pieces


Even worse, from now until Feb. 5th, they are allowing fans to vote which one to get rid of. It’s going to be between the boot the dog and the thimble. (Side note: obviously everyone just sighed a breath of relief because everyone knows the car is the best piece and after that its all a toss up.) Anyways, not only are they taking a metaphorical dump on our childhood, they’re making us take the dump on it ourselves by choosing which one we’re going to lose. And for what!? These new pieces they have lined up are ridiculous.

new monopoly pieces

First of all, a fucking cat? They’re contemplating getting rid of a dog for a fucking cat. Literally everyone in the world knows that dogs are better than cats. Hands down. It’s called gravity. And a robot? I’m sorry but until were flying around in cars like the Jetsons, I don’t want anything to do with fucking robots when it comes to board games. A helicopter just seem implausible when you cut down to the brass tacks. Guitars are for hippies and diamond rings are for insecure women who need a $40,000 stone on their finger to make them feel pretty. Like honestly, get a clue Hasboro. We already live in a fucked up world, we could all do without you turning our world upside down with your petty gimmicks.

  1. Those new pieces really do suck.

  2. Hasbro says:

    Well, that marketing ploy worked nicely.

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